My parents are unfair to me and my children. Will I be sinful if I choose to live further away from them?

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by AskOurImam.com

Assalamu ‘alaikum. I am married and live close by to my parents. My parents are fond of sons and their children and hence the way they look at me and my children is very depressing. I feel very bad when they do it .Recently this has given me to a lot of stress and I don’t see that they will change their attitude. If I choose to live farther away from them, will I be guilty on the day of qiyamah? At present they are very well taken care of by my brothers. Jazakallahukairan. Ummhamza

Answer:

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We acknowledge and understand your predicament and misery. We understand your frustration, sadness and anxiety at witnessing the unfair treatment accorded to you and your children by your parents.

While it is permissible for you to reside where you may decide with your husband; you must ensure to fulfil the rights of your parents, visit them regularly and express your utmost love and respect to them[1].

However, you should not move your current residence simply to run away from the issue in reference but you should try to address the core and reconcile the bond between you and your parents.

There are various methods you could adopt to address your issue with your parents:

  • Speak to your parents directly and explain to them your concern;
  • Express your sentiments to an elderly reputable person who may enjoy some influence over your parents and thus explain to them kindly;
  • Read books of the pious predecessors and listen to the speeches of our great Ulema which may also help you overcome the depression and stress you are experiencing;
  • Keep a very friendly and positive attitude towards your parents and hopefully this will soften their hearts towards you;
  • It may be that your parents` attitude to you is influenced by some factor in regards to you.
  • Bring them some occasional gifts
  • The haven to your distress is in Dua (supplicating to Allah) and Zikr (remembrance of Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

Dua is a weapon of the believer, and the pillar of faith and the light of the heavens and the earth[2].

And Allah Ta`ala says:

Remember, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.

Sister in Islam, while you consider ways to address your difficulty, be tolerant and forgiving to your parents for their unfair treatment to you . Allah Ta`ala says:

وليعفوا وليصفحوا ألا تحبون أن يغفر الله لكم والله غفور رحيم

Translation: Let them forgive and overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is All-Forgiving All-Merciful[3].

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) states:

صل من قطعك وأعط من حرمك واعف عمن ظلمك

Translation: Join ties with one who cuts you off, give to one who deprives you and forgive one who oppresses you[4].

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Hanif Yusuf Patel

Student Darul Iftaa
UK

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

www.daruliftaa.net

 

References
[1] [Fatāwā Mahmūdiyyah, 19: 32 & 19: 36, Dār al-Iftā Jāmiah Farūqiyah, Karāchī]

ولا يمنعهما من اليخروج إلي الوالدين في كل جمعة إن لم ءقدر على إتيانها

[Ad-Durr al-Mukhtār ma`a Radd al-Muhtār, 3: 602-3, H. M. Saeed; majma` al-Anhur, 2: 186-7, Maktabah Gaffārah Quetta, Fatāwā Qādhi Khan alā hāmish al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah, 1: 429, Makatabh Rashidiyyah]

[2] قال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: الدّعاء سلاح المؤمن وعماد الدّين ونور السماوات والأرض

[At-Targib wa at-Tarhib, 2: 390]

[3] [Al-Qur`an, 24: 22]

[4] [Musnad al-Imam Ahmad, 18032]

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