Salam. I am a non-Muslim girl but believe in Islam completely and perform Salah, observe Ramadan and read al-Qur`an frequently. I believe in Islam with all my heart unshakeably.
I am in love with a Sunni Muslim boy since December 2008 (5 years almost), the problem arises when it comes to our marriage. I am 27 and he is 28 years old, well settled (a dentist and a businessman by profession), he says that he cannot marry me on the grounds of religion and the other time he says that he will marry me but also marry another girl of his parents’ choice. It means he will marry two girls at a time. Also he will not let his family k now about our relation and marriage. He says that he will manage that way. My family knows him and don`t oppose my relation with him, he even came and stayed at my home for a week last Diwali. What to do with this case now? I really don’t know want to lose him as I really love him a lot, but the idea of two marriages scares me. Please guide me and help me out of this dreaded situation. Please reply. Allah hafiz
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Firstly, according to our understanding from your question, you have faithfully reverted to Islam and you are a true practicing believer and not a `non-Muslim` anymore. As such, we commend you for your brave step towards eternal success. May Allah keep you steadfast on Islam and pave the way to closeness to Him. Amen.
Secondly, Islam does not permit two individuals to share any extramarital relationship outside wedlock. Hence, you must explain this to the boy and separate from him until marriage (if you decide to marry him).
Thirdly, since you are a Muslim too, the boy`s parents do not hold any grounds to refuse to accept you on the basis of religion. Islam allows the same rights to reverts to which it renders to those who are Muslim by birth. However, it is not Islam but cultural stigma which sometimes overrides the tolerance of people and restricts them from accepting new-Muslims into their families.
The permission granted to men to assume the responsibility of more than one wife is with restrictions and conditions. You should not be compelled in to this marriage half-heartedly. Your acceptance to marriage on such a condition is a grave step. You must consider: How and for how long will he be able to keep your marriage secret from his parents? How will the second wife react after realising he has two wives? Will you be able to see yourself live a life mostly on your own without standard support? What if he is unable to fulfil your rights and give you a normal family life? Remember you are special and you do not have to compromise your happiness of life in any way through a relationship.
At this stage, you are probably clouded with emotions due to your love relationship. We, thus, advice you to terminate that affair and then consider your options with a balanced and objective mind. You should consult appropriate persons you trust in for their `wise` counsel[1]. You should also perform Salāt al-Istikhārah to assist you in making the correct decision.
Salāt al-Istikhārah is to request divine Guidance of Allah through a special prayer. The following is the method of the prayer:
- Make ablution (wudhu)
- Observe two Rak`aat voluntary Salaah
- Recite the following supplication:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدِرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ ارْضِنِي بِهِ
Transliteration: Allaahumma inni astakheeruka bi ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi qudratika, Wa as’aluka min fadlikal azeem Fa innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu wa laa a’lamu, Wa anta allaamul ghuyoob. Allaahumma, in kunta ta’lamu anna haadhal amra* khairun lee fee deenee wa ma’aashi wa aaqibati amree faqdirhu lee wa yas sirhu lee thumma barik lee feehi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadhal amra* shar-run lee fee deenee wa ma’ashee wa aaqibati amree fasrifhu annee wasrifnee anhu. Waqdir liyal khayra haithu kaana thumma ardinee bihi.’
Translation: O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this matter* is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter, then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this matter* is harmful to me in my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter, then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it.
- You should then mention your need and supplicate to Allah[2].
It is not necessary but recommended that this be repeated for seven days until the person feels an inclination towards a specific option. It is not necessary to see a dream or witness a definite event. If one is unable to perform the Salah, the supplication will suffice. It is also recommended that one sleeps whilst in the state of wudhu facing the Qiblah after reciting the afore-mentioned supplication[3].
Note: * When making the supplication and reaching the words “hadhal amra” (this matter), you should think deliberate on the actual issue and decision in question.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
References
[1] عن عائشة رضي الله عنها أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم جاءها حين أمر الله أن يخير أزواجه، فبدأ بي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال: إني ذاكر لك أمرا فلا عليك أن تستعجلي حتى تستأمري أبويك، وقد علم أن أبوي لم يكونا يأمراني بفراقه …
[Saheeh al-Bukhari, 4507]
[2] قال جابر بن عبد الله رضي الله عنهما : كان رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ، يُعلمنا الاستخارة في الأمور كلها كما يعلمُنا السورة من القرآن ، يقول : إذا هم أحدكم بالأمر فليركع ركعتين من غير الفريضة ، ثم ليقل :” اللهم إني أستخيرك بعلمك ، وأستقدرك بقدرتك ، وأسألك من فضلك العظيم فإنك تقدِرُ ولا أقدِرُ ، وتعلم ولا أعلم ، وأنت علام الغيوب ، اللهم إن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر -يسمي حاجته – خير لي في ديني ومعاشي وعاقبة أمري – أو قال : عاجلة وآجله – فاقدره لي ويسره لي ، ثم بارك لي فيه ، وإن كنت تعلم أن هذا الأمر شر لي في ديني ومعاشي وعاقبة أمري – أو قال : عاجله وآجله – فاصرفه عني واصرفني عنه ، واقدر لي الخير حيث كان ، ثم ارضني به
[Sahih Al-Bukhari, (21: 263); Musnad al-Imam Ahmad, 14834; Sunan an-Nasa`I, 10332; Sunan Abi Dawud, 1538, Sunan at-Tirmidhi, 480]
[3] وَيَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُكَرِّرَهَا سَبْعًا، لِمَا رَوَى ابْنُ السُّنِّيِّ «يَا أَنَسُ إذَا هَمَمْت بِأَمْرٍ فَاسْتَخِرْ رَبَّك فِيهِ سَبْعَ مَرَّاتٍ، ثُمَّ اُنْظُرْ إلَى الَّذِي سَبَقَ إلَى قَلْبِك فَإِنَّ الْخَيْرَ فِيهِ» وَلَوْ تَعَذَّرَتْ عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ اسْتَخَارَ بِالدُّعَاءِ اهـ مُلَخَّصًا. وَفِي شَرْحِ الشِّرْعَةِ: الْمَسْمُوعُ مِنْ الْمَشَايِخِ أَنَّهُ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يَنَامَ عَلَى طَهَارَةٍ مُسْتَقْبِلَ الْقِبْلَةِ بَعْدَ قِرَاءَةِ الدُّعَاءِ الْمَذْكُورِ، فَإِنْ رَأَى مَنَامَهُ بَيَاضًا أَوْ خُضْرَةً فَذَلِكَ الْأَمْرُ خَيْرٌ، وَإِنْ رَأَى فِيهِ سَوَادًا أَوْ حُمْرَةً فَهُوَ شَرٌّ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يُجْتَنَبَ اهـ
[Radd al-Muhtar ala ad-Durr al-Mukhtar, 2: 27, H. M. Saeed Company]