In Islam what is the best way to do apology to our wife if we hurt or hit her with intension and without intension. Alhamdulillah i have a good and understandable wife but due to some reason I can’t control my evil act which resulted in voilence. I want to apology from my bottom of my heart and in accordance to sunnah. Please guide me the correct way.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Your intention to seek apology from your wife is a sign of your Imaan.
If you hit or hurt your wife, humble yourself before her and tell her in clear terms that you were wrong and ask her to forgive you.
Remember, forgiveness comes from the heart. To solicit the acceptance of your apology, you have to touch her heart. Humble yourself and if need be, offer her some gift to compensate the wrong you did to her. Most importantly, make your Islaah and avoid such a situation in future. Hereunder is a recipe for a happy marriage.
Ten points to maintain a happy marriage and control the instinct of dispute.
1. Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) to make the spouses aware of the fear of Allah before performing a Nikah by reciting the verses (Al-Nisa 14, Al-Ahzab 69, Aali-Imraan 101) from the Qur’an. All the verses are common in the message of taqwa (fear of Allah). The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner. There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.
2. Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes. One Sahaabi came to Rasulullah (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) and sought some advice. Rasulullah (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) replied, “Control your anger.” The same advice was rendered three times.
(Mishkat Pg. 433; H.M. Saeed)
3. If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the centre of Jannah.
(Mishkat Pg. 412)
4. Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said, “And lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of a donkey.” (Surah Luqman 19)
5. If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.”
(Abu Dawood Vol 2, Pg. 325 Imdadiya)
Advice with dignity and silently.
6. Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah.”
(Mishkat Pg. 429)
7. Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) confirmed the advice of Salman (Radiallahu Anhu) to Abu Darda (Radiallahu Anhu) for neglecting his wife. “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.”
8. Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Hadhrat Abu Bakr (Radiallahu Anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over feeding the guest before going to bed.
9. At least, once every day, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.”
(Abu Dawud, Pg. 662; Karachi)
10. When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi (Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam) said, “All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.” (Tirmidhi 2499)
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Venda, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.