My husband gets angry over minor things, makes accusing/insulting comments, gives ultimatums to cancel any planned program. He says he is done talking after his insults are said, and shuts the door. It feels to me like someone slapped me and walked away. I allow him time to cool, speak the next day, but other times I speak immediately to argue and defend my position but he starts cursing, shouting, will say many more hurtful things about my past, family, parents, religion, etc.
Once said he would bring mice to the house so I cannot stay. He might bang things, throw out food. Once said he would attempt suicide while I was pregnant. When mad, he will swear to never return back. On almost every fight, he asks me to leave immediately with our child to settle somewhere else. Sometimes he will bring my suitcases to make me leave. He gets completely cool within a day or two. Together we do not go groceries or vacation because it would lead to fights and he would leave me stranded.
I stay inside all the time to avoid conflicts, I speak only if necessary, we sleep in separate rooms for many reasons. We attend some social gatherings but that will stop also as it causes conflicts and he threats for cancellation after we accepted the invitation.
Do I have grounds for Khulla after 6 years of marriage? If he signs khulla does it become an irrevocable divorce or talaq with no return?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We are sorry to hear about the different difficulties you are experiencing in your marriage. We ask Allah to grant you ease and comfort. Ameen
The conduct of your husband is most inappropriate, especially after being married for six years and having a child. After reading your query, we observed you stated that your husband asked you to leave the house on numerous occasions after having arguments. He even brought your suitcases for you to leave. It is necessary to determine what was his intention when he asked you to leave. Was his intention to divorce you at any of these occasions? If he intended to divorce you then Talaq would have taken place.
If you are unable to make Sabr and stay with your husband and if you feel that by staying together, both of you will be violating the marital rights of each other, then we advise you consider the intervention of a senior family member or senior person known to both of you. The local Ulama body may also be consulted. The option of Khula could also be discussed. In principle, if your husband accepts Khula, it will constitute a Talaq Baain (irrevocable divorce).
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Arshad Ali
Student Darul Iftaa
Trinidad
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.