Mufti Sb , Im going through a problem these day which is making me uneasy. I’ve lost my focus.When Im praying I foget how many Ra’kaat I ve offered. I really fear Allah and don’t want to be Astray or mis-guided by Shatan. I daily make dua “Ah dinas sirat ul mustaqeem”.
I live in …. and married to person for last …yrs. He’s been living in USA for …years and also US national. He was married to a Christian from he has two children. He is separated from her for last 4 year. After marrying me he left his job and came back to Pakistan. He is supporting his children with 75% of his income whereas I didn’t enjoy life according to his status. He keeps visiting his children twice a year. Now he feels that he can’t support his children financially well, so he decided to go back. While,I’ll be staying in Pakistan alone. He said he can’t take me with him. US law won’t allow him to do so as he is not legally divorced with her. I can’t live without him but I was forced to make that sacrifice just for his children.
I feared Allah that I don’t want him to go to hell for neglecting the duties towards his children. My husband doesn’t want any baby because he already has. But I’ve great desire for kid. Few days before, I came to know that he has his son out of wed lock. After 2 years of his birth he married to his mother according to US law not do “Nikkah” with her islamically. Later he also has a daughter from her.
I want to ask whether his both children are illegitimate or legitimate. In this kind of situation who is responsible for their upbringing and financial support? Are they have right to use their father name as their surname? What is their status in society according to Islam? What Islamic duties their father has towards them? To meet the need of children is my husband’s Farz? Or meet his wife needs is my Husband’s Utmost Farz? Do I have any kind of duty towards them as my step children?
Plz answer me in detail. Also mention references of Quranic verse & Hadiths. That will help me to convince him & his family better. As his family belong to a Jammat who works for Dawah. They can deny your explanation but not the references of Quran & Hadith. They all believe that those children are only responsibility of my husband islamically. Plz send me answer as soon as possible.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salamu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.
Sister in Islam,
We understand your predicament and we make Dua that Allah Ta’alah make your challenges easy. Ameen.
At the outset, it should be understood that marrying a man who was previously in a relationship with another woman comes with tests and challenges especially if a man was in a long term relationship. It is obvious that a long term relationship is coupled with a lot of memories and at times, children. This bond is created within a man and cannot be easily forgotten. More so, the relationship of a man’s children continues even after he separates from a woman in a relationship.
The affection of your husband towards his children is natural. As a father, he is merely attempting to fulfil his responsibility and offer his support. This should not be neglected. Moreover, in attempting to play the role of a father, your husband should also consider his responsibilities towards you.
In the enquired situation, in order for a Muslim man to make Nikah[1], the following are necessary:
- The offer to marry from one party which is called Ijaab.
- The acceptance to marry from the other party which is called Qabool.
- The Nikah has to take place in the presence of two witnesses or one male witness and two female witnesses. [2][3]
If the United States civil marriage fulfils the above conditions, the Nikah will also be valid.[4]We cannot comment on the validity of the Nikah or otherwise as we are unaware how the civil marriage was conducted.
Sister, in principle, a child born out of wedlock is not legitimate and is attributed to the mother.[5][6] We understand that the son is born out of wedlock. The situation of the daughter depends on whether the civil marriage conformed to the Nikah or not. [7]
Nevertheless, if a child was born out of wedlock and is not attributed to the biological father, the biological father may maintain his children.
Sister, we understand your frustration and the reason for you asking such questions. We do not foresee how the answers to your questions will help your cause.
When you got married to him, you knew his situation. You chose to marry him on your own will. Our advice is that you discuss the issue with your husband and explain to him how you feel. Discuss with him to make adjustments in fulfilling your needs. That would be possible if you offer to assist him in his challenges.
Marriage is about compromises and adjustments. There is no point in proving your point as that will not help your cause.
As you are married to the father (your husband), you should maintain ties and assist in the upbringing of his daughter. It is not your responsibility to maintain ties or assist in the upbringing of his son. If you do so, it will be an act of great virtue and it will contribute towards enhancing your marriage relationship Inshallah.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Ismaeel Bassa
Student Darul Iftaa
Durban South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
[1] ونكاح الكتابية يجوز للمسلم سواء كانت حربية أو غير حربية { المحيط البرهاني، ج 3، ص 80، دار الكتب العلمية، بيروت – لبنان }
وَيَجُوزُ لِلْمُسْلِمِ نِكَاحُ الْكِتَابِيَّةِ الْحَرْبِيَّةِ وَالذِّمِّيَّةِ حُرَّةً كانت أو أَمَةً كَذَا في مُحِيطِ السَّرَخْسِيِّ وَالْأَوْلَى أَنْ لَا يَفْعَلَ….. وَكُلُّ من يَعْتَقِدُ دِينًا سَمَاوِيًّا وَلَهُ كِتَابٌ مُنَزَّلٌ كَصُحُفِ إبْرَاهِيمَ عليه السَّلَامُ وَشِيثٍ وَزَبُورِ دَاوُد عليه السَّلَامُ فَهُوَ من أَهْلِ الْكِتَابِ فَتَجُوزُ مُنَاكَحَتُهُمْ وَأَكْلُ ذَبَائِحِهِمْ كَذَا في التَّبْيِينِ { الفتاوى الهندية، ج 1، ص 281، دار الفكر }
وَيَجُوزُ أَنْ يَنْكِحَ الْكِتَابِيَّةَ لِقَوْلِهِ عز وجل { وَالْمُحْصَنَاتُ من الَّذِينَ أُوتُوا الْكِتَابَ من قَبْلِكُمْ } { بدائع الصنائع، ج 2، ص 270، دار الكتاب العربي }
[2] النكاح ينعقد بالإيجاب والقبول، بلفظين يعبر بهما عن الماضي، أو يعبر بأحدهما عن الماضي وبالآخر عن المستقبل، مثل أن يقول زوجني فيقول زوجتك.
ولا ينقعد نكاح المسلمين إلا بحضور شاهدين حرين بالغين عاقلين مسلمين أو رجلٍ وامرأتين، عدولاً كانوا أو غير عدولٍ، أو محدودين في قذفٍ، فإن تزوج مسلمٌ ذمية بشهادة ذميين جاز عند أبي حنيفة وأبي يوسف، وقال محمدٌ: لا يجوز { اللباب في شرح الكتاب، ج 1، ص 251، دار الكتاب العربي } .
[3] قال: ” وإن تزوج مسلم ذمية بشهادة ذميين جاز عند أبي حنيفة وأبي يوسف رحمهما الله وقال محمد وزفر رحمهما الله لا يجوز ” لأن السماع في النكاح شهادة ولا شهادة للكافر على المسلم فكأنهما لم يسمعا كلام المسلم ولهما أن الشهادة شرطت في النكاح على اعتبار إثبات الملك لوروده على محل ذي خطر لا على اعتبار وجوب المهر إذ لا شهادة تشترط في لزوم المال وهما شاهدان عليها بخلاف ما إذا لم يسمعا كلام الزوج لأن العقد ينعقد بكلاميهما والشهادة شرطت على العقد { الهداية في شرح بداية المبتدي، ج 1، ص 186، دار احياء التراث العربي – بيروت – لبنان }.
وَأَمَّا الْمُسْلِمُ إذَا تَزَوَّجَ ذِمِّيَّةً بِشَهَادَةِ ذِمِّيَّيْنِ فإنه يَجُوزُ في قَوْلِ أبي حَنِيفَةَ وَأَبِي يُوسُفَ سَوَاءٌ كَانَا مُوَافِقَيْنِ لها في الْمِلَّةِ أو مُخَالِفَيْنِ….. وَلَهُمَا عُمُومَاتُ النِّكَاحِ من الْكِتَابِ وَالسُّنَّةِ نحو قَوْله تَعَالَى { فَانْكِحُوا ما طَابَ لَكُمْ من النِّسَاءِ } وَقَوْلِهِ { وَأُحِلَّ لَكُمْ ما وَرَاءَ ذَلِكُمْ أَنْ تَبْتَغُوا بِأَمْوَالِكُمْ }
وَقَوْلِ النبي صلى اللَّهُ عليه وسلم تَزَوَّجُوا وَلَا تُطَلِّقُوا وَقَوْلِهِ صلى اللَّهُ عليه وسلم تَنَاكَحُوا وَغَيْرِ ذلك مُطْلَقًا عن غَيْرِ شَرْطٍ إلَّا أَنَّ أَهْلَ الشَّهَادَةِ وَإِسْلَامَ الشَّاهِدِ صَارَ شَرْطًا في نِكَاحِ الزَّوْجَيْنِ الْمُسْلِمَيْنِ بِالْإِجْمَاعِ فَمَنْ ادَّعَى كَوْنَهُ شَرْطًا في نِكَاحِ الْمُسْلِمِ الذِّمِّيَّةَ فَعَلَيْهِ الدَّلِيلُ { بدائع الصنائع، ج 2، ص 253/254 }
[4] (وَيَجِبُ مَهْرُ الْمِثْلِ فِي نِكَاحٍ فَاسِدٍ) وَهُوَ الَّذِي فَقَدَ شَرْطًا مِنْ شَرَائِطِ الصِّحَّةِ كَشُهُودٍ
وفي حاشية ابن عابدين:
(قَوْلُهُ وَهُوَ الَّذِي إلَخْ) بِخِلَافِ مَا لَوْ شَرَطَ شَرْطًا فَاسِدًا كَمَا لَوْ تَزَوَّجَتْهُ عَلَى أَنْ لَا يَطَأَهَا فَإِنَّهُ يَصِحُّ النِّكَاحُ وَيَفْسُدُ الشَّرْطُ رَحْمَتِيٌّ (قَوْلُهُ كَشُهُودٍ) وَمِثْلُهُ تَزَوُّجُ الْأُخْتَيْنِ مَعًا وَنِكَاحُ الْأُخْتِ فِي عِدَّةِ الْأُخْتِ وَنِكَاحُ الْمُعْتَدَّةِ وَالْخَامِسَةِ فِي عِدَّةِ الرَّابِعَةِ وَالْأَمَةِ عَلَى الْحُرَّةِ. وَفِي الْمُحِيطِ: تَزَوَّجَ ذِمِّيٌّ مُسْلِمَةً فُرِّقَ بَيْنَهُمَا لِأَنَّهُ وَقَعَ فَاسِدًا. اهـ. فَظَاهِرُهُ أَنَّهُمَا لَا يُحَدَّانِ وَأَنَّ النَّسَبَ يَثْبُتُ فِيهِ وَالْعِدَّةُ إنْ دَخَلَ بَحْر { رد المحتار على الدر المختار، ج 3، ص 131، دار الفكر-بيروت } .
(قَوْلُهُ: وَالْوَلَدُ يَتْبَعُ الْأُمَّ فِي الْمِلْكِ وَالْحُرِّيَّةِ وَالرِّقِّ وَالتَّدْبِيرِ وَالِاسْتِيلَادِ وَالْكِتَابَةِ) لِإِجْمَاعِ الْأُمَّةِ؛ وَلِأَنَّ مَاءَهُ يَكُونُ مُسْتَهْلَكًا بِمَائِهَا فَيُرَجَّحُ 5
جَانِبُهَا؛ وَلِأَنَّهُ مُتَيَقَّنٌ بِهِ مِنْ جِهَتِهَا وَلِهَذَا يَثْبُتُ نَسَبُ وَلَدِ الزِّنَا وَوَلَدِ الْمُلَاعَنَةِ مِنْهَا حَتَّى تَرِثَهُ وَيَرِثَهَا؛ لِأَنَّهُ قَبْلَ الِانْفِصَالِ هُوَ كَعُضْوٍ مِنْ أَعْضَائِهَا حِسًّا وَحُكْمًا حَتَّى يَتَغَذَّى بِغِذَائِهَا وَيَدْخُلُ فِي الْبَيْعِ وَالْعِتْقِ وَغَيْرِهِمَا مِنْ التَّصَرُّفَاتِ تَبَعًا لَهَا فَكَانَ جَانِبُهَا أَرْجَحَ {
البحر الرائق، ج 4، ص 251، دار الكتاب الإسلامي }
والولد يتبع أمه في الملك والرق والحرية والتدبير والاستيلاد والكتابة لإجماع الأمة ولأن ماءه مستهلك بمائها فيرجح جانبها لأنه متيقن به من جهتها وهذا يثبت نسب ولد الزنا وولد الملاعنة منها حتى ترثه ويرثها { مجمع الأنهر، ج 2، ص 219، دار الكتب العلمية }
[6] إذَا زَنَى رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ فَجَاءَتْ بِوَلَدٍ فَادَّعَاهُ الزَّانِي لم يَثْبُتْ نَسَبُهُ منه وَأَمَّا الْمَرْأَةُ فَيَثْبُتُ نَسَبُهُ منه { الفتاوى الهندية، ج 4، ص 127، دار الفكر }
إذَا زَنَى رَجُلٌ بِامْرَأَةٍ فَجَاءَتْ بِوَلَدٍ فَادَّعَاهُ الزَّانِي لَمْ يَثْبُتْ نَسَبُهُ مِنْهُ لِانْعِدَامِ الْفِرَاشِ وَأَمَّا الْمَرْأَةُ فَيَثْبُتُ نَسَبُهُ مِنْهَا { بدائع الصنائع، ج 6، ص 242، دار الكتاب العربي }
[7] (وَعِدَّةُ الْمَنْكُوحَةِ نِكَاحًا فَاسِدًا) فَلَا عِدَّةَ فِي بَاطِلٍ وَكَذَا مَوْقُوفٌ قَبْلَ الْإِجَازَةِ اخْتِيَارٌ، لَكِنَّ الصَّوَابَ ثُبُوتُ الْعِدَّةِ وَالنَّسَبِ بَحْرٌ { الدر المختار، ج 3، ص 516، دار الفكر-بيروت }
رَجُلٌ مُسْلِمٌ تَزَوَّجَ بِمَحَارِمِهِ فَجِئْنَ بِأَوْلَادٍ يَثْبُتُ نَسَبُ الْأَوْلَادِ منه عِنْدَ أبي حَنِيفَةَ رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى خِلَافًا لَهُمَا بِنَاءً على أَنَّ النِّكَاحَ فَاسِدٌ عِنْدَ أبي حَنِيفَةَ رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى بَاطِلٌ عِنْدَهُمَا كَذَا في الظَّهِيرِيَّةِ { الفتاوى الهندية، ج 1، ص 540، دار الفكر }