Hadith regarding good manners: “Join ties with the one who breaks them with you…”

please if you can send me that Hadith in which Prophet Mohammad S.A.W said that who breaks with you, you join with him and who is cruel with you , you forgive him and who don’t give you please give him. i need this will context and content. If you can mention Ravi and when it was said and little more eloboration on good charachter. 

please suggest me a good book about good character. 

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

This hadīth has been narrated by Imām Ahmad in his Musnad[1] with an Isnād (chain of narration) that is Hasan (good)[2]. The narrator (rāwī) of the hadīth is the illustrious Sahābī `Uqbah ibn `Āmir (radiyallāāhu `anh).

The full narration of the hadīth has been provided below in order to show the context of why and to whom these words were spoken to by our beloved Prophet (sallalllahu `alayhi wa sallam):

عَنْ عُقْبَةَ بْنِ عَامِرٍ، قَالَ: لَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي: ” يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ، صِلْ مَنْ قَطَعَكَ، وَأَعْطِ مَنْ حَرَمَكَ، وَاعْفُ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَكَ “

قَالَ: ثُمَّ أَتَيْتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي: ” يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ، أَمْلِكْ لِسَانَكَ، وَابْكِ عَلَى خَطِيئَتِكَ، وَلْيَسَعْكَ بَيْتُكَ “

قَالَ: ثُمَّ لَقِيتُ رَسُولَ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَ لِي: ” يَا عُقْبَةُ بْنَ عَامِرٍ، أَلَا أُعَلِّمُكَ سُوَرًا مَا أُنْزِلَتْ فِي التَّوْرَاةِ وَلَا فِي الزَّبُورِ وَلَا فِي الْإِنْجِيلِ وَلَا فِي الْفُرْقَانِ مِثْلُهُنَّ، لَا يَأْتِيَنَّ عَلَيْكَ لَيْلَةٌ إِلَّا قَرَأْتَهُنَّ فِيهَا: قُلْ هُوَ اللهُ أَحَدٌ وَقُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ الْفَلَقِ وَقُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ “

قَالَ عُقْبَةُ: ” فَمَا أَتَتْ عَلَيَّ لَيْلَةٌ إِلَّا قَرَأْتُهُنَّ فِيهَا، وَحُقَّ لِي أَنْ لَا أَدَعَهُنَّ وَقَدْ أَمَرَنِي بِهِنَّ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ ” وَكَانَ فَرْوَةُ بْنُ مُجَاهِدٍ، إِذَا حَدَّثَ بِهَذَا الْحَدِيثِ يَقُولُ: ” أَلَا فَرُبَّ مَنْ لَا يَمْلِكُ لِسَانَهُ، أَوْ لَا يَبْكِي عَلَى خَطِيئَتِهِ وَلَا يَسَعُهُ بَيْتُهُ “ 

It is narrated on the authority of `Uqbah bin `Āmir (radiyallāhu `anh) that he said: “Once I met the Messenger of Allāh (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) who said to me: O `Uqbah ibn `Āmir, join ties with those who break them from you, give to those who deprive you (i.e. do not give to you), and forgive those who do wrong to you.”

He (`Uqbah radiyallāhu `anh) continues: “Then (after some time), I went to the Messenger of Allāh (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) and he said to me: O `Uqbah ibn `Āmir, keep your tongue under control, cry upon your own wrongdoings, and let your home be enough for you (i.e. adhere to those things that keep you attached to your home and busy with the remembrance of Allāh Ta’ālā and fulfilling your duties to him without being distracted from the dirt of the outside world[3]).”

He (`Uqbah radiyallāhu `anh) continues: “Subsequently, I met the Messenger of Allāh (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) and he said to me: O `Uqbah ibn `Āmir, shall I not teach sure such sūrahs (chapters) that were not revealed in the Torah, the Psalms, nor the Bible; (sūrahs) of which the like are not found anywhere else in the Furqān (i.e. the Qur’ān). Never should a single night pass except that you recite these in those nights: Qul huwallāhu ahad, Qul ‘a`ūdhu bi rabbil falaq, and Qul ‘a`ūdhu bi rabbin nās.”

`Uqbah (radiyallāhy `anh) said: Never did a night pass except that I would read these (sūrahs) in those nights. And it is truly due upon me to never leave it (i.e. the recitation of these sūrahs each night) when the Messenger of Allāh himself has commanded me to do so.”

When Farwah ibn Mujāhid (the one who narrated this hadīth from `Uqbah radiyallāhu `anh) would narrate this hadīth, he would say: “Take heed, for how many are there who do not keep their tongues under control, who do not cry over their wrongdoings, and do not let their homes be enough for them.”[4]

The hadīth above is a small part of the pearls of wisdom that would flow from the mouth of our beloved Nabī (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam). It is narrated on the authority of Abū Hurayrah (radiyallāhu `anh) that the Messenger of Allāh (sallālhu `alahyhi wa sallam) said:

إِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ لِأُتَمِّمَ صَالِحَ الْأَخْلَاقِ

I have been sent to perfect good character.[5]

In relation to the honorable rank of the Holy Prophet (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam), Allāh Ta’ālā chooses to comment on one of the greatest qualities of the Messenger (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam) in the following words:

وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلَى خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ

And you are surely on exalted quality of character.[6]

It is clear from above that Islam has placed great emphasis on establishing good character and showing good conduct when dealing with others. This is also why many were entranced by the greatness of the Holy Prophet (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam), even if they were in his company for a very small amount of time. Consider the words of `Alī (radiyallāhu `anh) when describing the character of Rasūlullāh (sallallāhu `alayhi wa sallam):

هُوَ خَاتَمُ النَّبِيِّينَ أَجْوَدُ النَّاسِ صَدْرًا، وَأَصْدَقُ النَّاسِ لَهْجَةً، وَأَلْيَنُهُمْ عَرِيكَةً، وَأَكْرَمُهُمْ عِشْرَةً، مَنْ رَآهُ بَدِيهَةً هَابَهُ، وَمَنْ خَالَطَهُ مَعْرِفَةً أَحَبَّهُ، يَقُولُ نَاعِتُهُ‏:‏ لَمْ أَرَ قَبْلَهُ، وَلا بَعْدَهُ مِثْلَهُ صلى الله عليه وسلم

‏He was the last of all prophets. He was the most generous and the most truthful. He was the most kind-hearted and came from a most noble family. (It means his character, family back-ground and everything else was of the best). Any person who saw him suddenly would become awe-inspired. And anyone who came in close contact with him (and knew his excellent character) would fall in love with him. Those who would describe his noble features could only say: “I have never seen anyone like Rasulullah (sallallāhu alayhi wasallam) neither before nor after him.”[7]

For more information regarding good qualities and character, you may refer to the following two books:

Shaykh Muhammad Zakariyyā’s (rahimahullāh) Commentary on Shamāil Muhammadiyyah

Translation of Imām Bukhārī’s (rahimahullāh) Al-Adab al-Mufrad

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Bilal Mohammad

Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

www.daruliftaa.net