assalam-o-alaikum’
My mother in law never appreciates my work done and she tells my husband when he comes back that she did everything meaning cleaning, cooking and laundry etc. I always did for Allah swt and my husband was not getting idea of my side as I never told him. My mother in law uses very bad language about my parents and my family and keep saying she doesnot know anything. Now after observing my mother in law’s behavior i have started telling my husband when he comes back home that how I ironed your’s and yourfamily’s dresses and how I participated in house chores by vaccuming and doing dishes and cutting all vegetables and how I cleaned not only our but your brother’s bathrooms too. I did this to make my husband realize that how his mom keeps me busy for her service and never mentions my part and tells only her part and on top of it blames me that I dont know anything that a good wife or daughter in law should know. This complaining of her about me was creating friction between me and my husband. My mother in law teases me so much and curse me always inspite of me being respecting her like my own mother. This makes me cry all day. When I explain my side to my husband it reduces my pain and sorrow to some extent. My question is if I explain my husband my role, does that mean my intention is not pure for Allah or do I do ghibat by telling my husband how she treats me like a slave. If I do not tell my husband I am very sad and upset all the time. Please guide me.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
As-salāmu ʿalaykum wa-raḥmatullāhi wa-barakātuh
If telling your husband how your mother-in-law treats you reduces your pain and sorrow, then you should do so. This is not considered as Ghībat (backbiting). It is correct that you reveal the truth to your husband so that this does not affect your marriage. Also, by explaining to your husband your role in whatever chores have been accomplished in the house, this will not be considered as not being sincere to Allah Taʿālā, as long as you have done everything only for His pleasure.
Your husband should also address the problem by discussing with his mother the issues you have raised rather than allowing her to go on complaining about you and ill-treating you. However, he should be conscious of not being disrespectful to his mother when doing so.
As a long-term solution to your problem, you should try to keep an open relationship with your mother-in-law and develop such a close relationship with her that she considers you like her own daughter and speaks well of you to your husband and others.
If this does not work out and it is possible for your husband to arrange for you and him to live in separate quarters from your mother-in-law, then this would be ideal. Nevertheless, if this is not possible, continue to make Ṣabar (have patience), and Allah Taʿālā will reward you for your patience and soon grant you ease after your difficulty.
And Allah Taʿālā Knows Best
Mahmood Patel
Student, Darul Iftaa
Azaadville, South Africa
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Ebrahim Desai