I am 22 year old guy 5 years ago i fell in love with a girl. After 2 years i realized it was just infatuation but i was still with her because its fun to have a gf. I did not commit the actual act of zina but i have done a lot of things which i shouldnt have . For past 2 year i had lost interest in her completely but i was still with her because i was stuck now i did not want to betray her as i had been somewhat physical with her i did not want to leave her and spoil her life. So i decided i will not break up with he but if she does it herself then i wont stop her. Otherwise if she does not break up herself i will marry her when the time comes(4-5 years from now even though i do not love her anymore). I had hurt her very very much over past 2 years, not because i enjoyed hurting her but because i did not care for her or send lovey dovey msgs anymore. I was very indifferent to her. This made her shed tears for 2 years. 6 months ago i shifted to another city and also i realized how big a sin i have committed being in a relationship. and i stopped with the lovey dovey msgs completely, i started avoiding contact over phone or sms.
25 days ago she asked me for break up. I didnt even call her i just sent her 3-4 msgs, and stopped conversation altogether. And we broke up. She has found another guy and is very very happy with him. I realized that not only i have comited a great sin by going against guidance of Allah but also by hurting her so much all these years(i made her cry all these years not intentionally but because i did not care for her much and it used to hurt her a lot). I have been asking Allah to forgive me for committing all my sins . She used to say before break up that “you have made me cry so much, my tears will not go in vain you will suffer in your life ” . 3 days after break up i lost my job. I called her after 23 days to ask her to forgive me for i had hurt her so much in the past. She did say “i forgive you” but i am not sure if she has really forgiven me. I have been asking Allah to forgive me. How will i ever know if Allah has forgiven me? Will i have to carry this burden all my life? I was young i was stupid. I shouldn’t have indulged in bf-gf thing in the first place. But now what? How am i ever going to be at peace? She did say she has forgiven me but i am not even sure if she really means it or if she said it just to stop me from calling any further.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Your relationship with the girl was Haraam and a major sin. Shari’ah does not recognize any emotions, happiness, or pain experienced through such a Haraam relationship. Allah has guided you to terminate the Haraam relationship. Thank Allah for that and do not be concerned about the girl’s curses. There was no need to even seek her forgiveness.
Peace in life is to repent to Allah for your wrong and never repeat the mistake. Connect to Allah more often and inculcate the love of Allah and His Rasul Sallallāhu Alayhi Wasallam in your heart. Be conscious of your obligations to Deen, Salaah, Quran, Zikr etc. Attend the gatherings of Ulama and pious people. Stay in their company. When the love of Allah enters the heart, you will experience unparalleled sweetness of Iman.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.