I am aged 28 years residing in India and got married 2 years back with a girl who was a non Muslim, prior to our marriage she used to work in the same office where I work, we fell in love, but before marriage, she got converted to ISLAM by following correct rituals with the help of Muslim cleric here. Prior to our marriage we had disputes and frequent quarrels, I thought she was obsessed with me and her insecurity is the reason for the problems. But I was confident that after marriage things will change, but infact it is worse now. No doubt that she loves me a lot and cannot live without me and she is very understanding also. The major problem is now she does not want to follow ISLAM to the core, I always insists her to pray NAMAZ regularly but she is not showing much of interested in that, she says I cannot do things with force, it should come from heart. She does not keep the house clean, do not wake up early, infact I have many other pity issues for which I am confident I will change, but what I want is she dedicate sincerely toward ISLAM.
Do you think there could be any major unseen hurdles blocking her way to follow ISLAM and the peace in our marriage, we are on a verge of divorce if things does not work out, I don’t want to approach any IMAM’s here because here in INDIA most of them are corrupted and work only for money, can you please suggest some AYYATS or let me know how to go about it…….
May ALLAH reward you with all his BLESSINGS for the noble work you all are doing….. AMEEN.
In the name of Allāh, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh
Insha Allah I hope that this message reaches you in the best of faith and health.
It truly is a great blessing from Allah that He has used you as a means for a person to accept Islam. The rewards for such an act are immeasurable and nothing of this world can equal it in virtue. Our beloved Prophet (s.a.w.) has stated in the portion of one hadīth:
فَوَاللَّهِ لأَنْ يَهْدِىَ اللَّهُ بِكَ رَجُلاً خَيْرٌ لَكَ مِنْ أَنْ يَكُونَ لَكَ حُمْرُ النَّعَمِ
“I swear by Allah, for Allah to guide even one person through you is better than owning a red she-camel (a red she-camel was considered to be the most prized possession of that time).” –Bukhari and Muslim
Along with this virtue comes responsibility. When a person accepts Islam, it becomes our duty to assist that person in progressing as a Muslim. In your case, the person not only has accepted Islam but has become your spouse. Consequently, the responsibility that you shoulder is two-fold.
This is not an easy task. It requires oceans of patience and understanding on your part. What is required from you is that you aid your wife in progressing, not force her. Nobody becomes “Super Muslim” overnight. It is a life long journey and, at times, may even take years before a person adopts the basic essentials of our practice. The fact that the Qur’an was revealed over a period of twenty three years was an indication that the adoption of complete deen into one’s life is a gradual process.
Additionally, it is important to remember that when a person accepts Islam, they are accepting a whole new way of life. The support system normally received from family and friends is nonexistent. The years of Islamic values learned as a child and witnessed in the home are not there. Bearing these factors in mind, you must be very sensitive when encouraging your wife. Positive reinforcement is usually more effective then being negative. There will definitely be ups and downs, but as I mentioned earlier, patience and understanding is a must. If you force your wife to do certain actions, she may do it in the beginning, but chances are she will eventually abandon those same actions. If you give her time and a chance to develop and strengthen her īmān, adopting the Islamic practices at her own pace, then, insha Allah, there will be permanence in her practice. It will take time for her to get used to this new way of life. There is nothing wrong with that. Many of us have spent our whole life as Muslims and we still do not do what we are supposed to. Your main concern should be that her faith is not wavered. The first few years upon accepting Islam are usually the most critical. It is usually during this time that a person decides to continue as a Muslim or revert back to their old ways. Ensure that her faith is established and, if that happens, everything else will slowly fall into place insha Allah.
It is also important that you surround your wife with good company. She should develop a relationship with some of the upright Muslim families in your area, other women who will not be judgmental of her lack of practice and be a positive influence on her through their character. At this point, it seems that you are the only real Islamic influence in her life. If that is the case, then your teaching her will not be as effective. She needs a secondary source encouragement from someone besides you. In the meantime, give your marriage a chance. Implement some of the advice rendered here and remove the thought of divorce from your mind and the word divorce from your vocabulary. She is counting on you to be her primary means of guidance, even if it is indirectly. Make lots of du‘ā because ultimately Allah is the doer of everything and nothing can happen without His permission. Couple your du‘ā with good character and win over the heart of your wife through kindness and patience. Go out of your way to serve her and make her life easier. Your actions speak louder than words and this will be more effective than anything you can say. There is also a du‘ā from the Holy Qur’an that you should recite after every salāt:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord! Grant us in our spouses and our children the joy of our eyes.” -Sūrah al-Furqān: 74
Insha Allah, we will also remember in our du‘ās and request that you do the same for us.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Wassalāmu ῾alaykum
Ml. Musa Sugapong,
Student Dārul Iftā
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Dārul Iftā, Madrasah In῾āmiyyah