I’m a 19 year old college student. I have always had strong faith in Allah, but I’ve been going through something lately that I need to speak to someone about. I’ll try my best be very open in my explanation….
A little over a month ago I took my yearly trip to see my family in California. My grandfather was very sick and both he and my family knew that his time had come. My love for my grandparents is unmistakable, and I remained strong during my stay. It was very difficult to see a once very robust man slipping into the throngs of death. Now, I’ll be honest; up until my visit, I would rarely wake up for Fajr prayers, and many times I would miss Duhr and Asr because of my school schedule. As a kid I always prayed my salat, but for about 3 years now my duties have been shameful to say the least. And what’s worse is that it’s been about 2 years since I had a wonderful experience performing Hajj. In spite of all these shortcomings, I always had faith in Allah and my belief was strong, it was my deeds that were missing.
For some reason I can’t explain, I got the urge to wake up for Fajr during my stay at my grandparent’s house. I really tried hard and started to get a feeling I had been missing for a while. I felt a warm and intoxicating feeling that is the act of prostration. I started reading more and more about death, and all the Islamic Hadith relating to it. I tried very hard to keep up my salat and I made it my most prized possession and my heart began to feel a sorrow I had not felt in a long time. I remember I missed an Asr prayer once, and I felt that the world had come to an end.
Spending time with my dying grandfather made me realize that life is truly a useless existence except that it is a portal to the next life. I began to care less and less about this world. My heart grew in love for Allah just as one reaches for water during thirst. Meanwhile my grandfather’s condition grew worse and my time of departure was fast approaching. My grandfather was fortunate to have his whole entire family (children, grandchildren, son-in laws, sister, and great-grandchildren….etc) at his side when he passed away on Friday. I was fortunate enough to be there for his Janaza as my flight was scheduled for the next day. This was my first Janaza and I performed all my duties.
Upon coming back home, I promised myself that I would return to my salat once again and do my best to follow Islam to the best of my ability. It was an intention that has led me here. I become more and more infatuated with Islam. I stopped listening to music, watched less TV, and focused more on deen and salat. I began listening to Islamic lectures online and began listening to the Quran whenever I was in front of my laptop. I cried several nights. I cried on my way to school. I cried on my way home. I felt so alive again I can’t describe it to you. Even in the car, the radio turned off and I now listen to the Quran whenever I drive. I reached a point where Islam was on my lips all the time. I said Shahada at every moment and if ever a moment went by that did not think about Allah and his Rasool, I felt lost. I prayed more than I have ever before. I prayed in school. I now pray so much Nafl that 12 rakat is nothing difficult; I even pray 24 rakat many times. I came to the conclusion that death will and can come at any moment, lest I not be ready for it what then will I say to my CREATOR!!!!. I make dua now after salat asking and praying for not just myself but for all people for all time. I ask Allah that I not die in any other state except that of Islam.
No longer does death bother me. In fact I would welcome it. It is true what they say, that this world is a prison for the believer. This is when my problems began. I became so engrossed in Islam that I began to doubt my own beliefs! Brother, I am constantly receiving waswassas from Shaytan. I get thoughts of shirk, and kufr every time I pray! Everytime I say the Shahada! I have never felt this before! If you watch me pray, you will see that I am having a war in my mind against Shaytan. It is discouraging and frustrating to have this happen to me, and I think I know why. Up until these last two months, I was easy for Shaytan to control. I would miss prayers, would listen to music, and neglect Allah. But the moment he saw that I left these sins he now must attempt to penetrate the deepest depths of my heart and soul. This is something I will not allow! I will not stop prostrating to the one true Allah. It is a bond that will not be broken ever again. I try my best to block it out but I wish it would stop altogether. I also know that when a believer turns to Allah, all Shaytan can do is whisper. But regardless, my fear of Allah’s punishment is so great that sometimes I feel that for Shaytan’s whispers, I will be thrown into Hell never to return. Such are the conflicts within my mind and soul!
This brings me to my conclusion. I’ll tell you that during those years that I neglected my salat I had a dream once that I prayed salat on top of the Kabah. I know what this means…It means that I had spoiled my religion. However, recently I had two dreams that are bothering me….
The first one…After becoming strict about my deen again, I took a nap in the afternoon and in it I used a rope to break into a “Subway” restaurant from the roof at night. While doing so, I broke the halogen “Subway” light as I fell down. I went into the store as if nothing had happened and went in to place an order. Suddenly, a large black man came in and grabbed me and threw me outside. He was angry about my attempt to break into the store. I looked away for a second, and he transformed into an Arab man with a “checkered” head covering so I recall. He began speaking to me in Arabic (I can’t speak Arabic). But he then spoke in English telling me that I had betrayed him. He was very angry with me. I ran into the store to seek safety. He came in anyway and I knew that he would now punch me in the face. Expecting it, I stood strong and as I felt his fist touch my cheek I shed a tear in my dream and began reciting “La ilaha ilalah.” I suddenly woke up and started crying and I felt as if Allah saved me when I uttered those words.
The second one…This happened to me a few days ago. During my dream I believe I woke up in a house similar to mine, except that the staircase in my dream was like a spiral or curvy. Regardless a structure that looked like the Kabah was in the living room area. Also it was large enough that portions where in my real house there would be rooms, were not there in my dream. Instead the Kabah took up that space. This Kabah looked very different from the real one. It looked wooden, though I did not touch it. (I’m telling you this as best I remember it.) I was somewhat awestruck by this large structure in my home. The Kabah also had many strings attached to it and it had that ancient “zig-zag” pattern around it. In addition to all this, the structure was taller, and more rectangular than square. My dream then shifted to a scene where I was sitting on the ground. I suddenly felt in my real body and in my dream as if my soul was being pulled out. I looked to the heavens. I felt this weird pulling for maybe a minute and during this time I would not describe it as painful. In fact it felt almost good in the beginning, and I recall a moment when I felt happy that this could finally be the time to meet my Lord. I don’t know if I struggled or not. I just experienced something unique and something I’ve never felt ever before. I really felt my soul being pulled. I never felt terrified, just overwhelmed. I then woke up and now after many days of contemplating I am writing to you requesting your thoughts and advice.
I should also tell you that since that dream I have been experiencing less and less of those whispers of Shaytan during the day as well as during salat.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
We acknowledge receipt of your e-mail correspondence wherein you looking for a way out from the whisperings of shaytaan, so our humble advice follows hereunder:-
To begin with, we are very cheerful to hear that you made a firm resolution to stay committed with the commands of Allah Ta’ala. “May Allah Ta’ala accept and keep us steadfast on the straight path.” Ameen.
Can you tell me where does a person steal or where does a thief break in? Where there are valuable goods. Have you heard of a hold-up in a shack? … No. Even if you leave a house empty with the door and windows wide open, then what need would there be to break in when there is absolutely nothing to steal? A thief will break into a home or some place where there’s gold, silver and a lot of cash. Shaytaan, who is notorious and infamous for his thieving exploits, sees the wealth of Imaan in the heart of the Mu`min. He detects that precious treasure of the love of Allah Ta’ala.
In the realm of jealousy and malice and in the ‘skill’ of thieving none can match the likes of Shaytaan. He is the robber, swindler, mugger, looter and hijacker of the Muslim. He makes every effort and endeavour; he conspires, plots and plans; he assaults and he attacks that heart, only to snatch this invaluable commodity of Imaan. This is his mission. Now this poor person tries to fight these thoughts and by fighting them, he gets nowhere.
One of the means that the Shaytaan uses to misguide people is by casting doubts and whispers (waswasa) into their hearts. When Shaytaan was rejected, he said:
“My Lord! Give me then respite till the day the (dead) are resurrected.” [Surah Sawd 38: 79]
The Messenger of Allah Muhammad (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassallam) has warned us against some of these things. It says in the hadeeth: “The Shaytaan comes to any one of you and says, ‘Who created such and such? Who created such and such?’ until he says, ‘Who created your Lord?’ If that happens to you, seek refuge with Allaah and give up these thoughts.” (Sahih Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassallam) taught us two important things:
1 – To turn to Allah Ta’ala and seek His protection, and to beseech Him, for He is the most Generous:
“And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allah” [al-A’raaf 7: Ayat200]
2 – To put a stop to this matter and turn away from it, and to keep ourselves busy with other, useful things.
The companions of the Prophet (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassallam) came to him complaining about the doubts and waswasa that they were suffering, and said ‘We find in our hearts things that none of us dares utter.’ He (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassallam) said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is clear faith.’ [Sahih Muslim narrated by Abu Hurayrah Radhiyallaahu ‘anhu]
What is meant by his saying ‘That is clear faith’ is that their hatred of that waswasa and their rejecting it was a clear sign of faith.
This crafty enemy is keen to misguide people and to make them doubt. The more you seek the help of Allah Ta’ala, learn about your enemy and be prepared to face him, the more you will be victorious over him. If you know your true enemy, the following are the weapons at your disposal.
Firstly:
Adherence to the Qur’aan and Sunnah both in words and deeds. Keep away from the paths of misguidance. So you should follow the beliefs, words, acts of worship and laws that have come from Allah Ta’ala and abstain from that which He has forbidden. Allah Ta’ala says:-
“Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion)” [Surah Al-Baqarah 2:208]
When the son of Adam recites a verse of sajdah and prostrates, the Shaytaan withdraws weeping, saying, ‘Woe to me, the son of Adam was commanded to prostrate, and he prostrated, so Paradise will be his; I was commanded to prostrate and I disobeyed, so Hell will be mine.’” Muslim Narrated by Abu Hurayrah Radhiyallaahu ‘anhu]
Secondly:
Seeking refuge with Allah Ta’ala from all kinds of evil and turning to Him. Islam teaches us to seek refuge with Allah Ta’ala in certain situations, such as the following:
The best words with which we may seek refuge with Allaah are al-Mi’wadhatayn i.e., Soorat al-Falaq and Soorat al-Naas. The Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassallam) said: “Do you not see the verses that were revealed to me tonight, the like of which have never been seen! Qul ‘aoodhu bi Rabb il-falaq and Qul ‘aoodhi bi rabb il-naas.” [Sahih Muslim Narrated by ‘Uqbah ibn ‘aamir Radhiyallaahu ‘anhu].
Thirdly:
Keeping busy with dhikr, for this is the greatest thing that may protect a person. In the hadeeth it says that Allah Ta’ala commanded Yahya (‘Alayhis salaam) to enjoin five things upon the Children of Israel, one of which was: “I command you to remember Allah ta’ala, for this is like a man who is being pursued by the enemy, then he comes to a strong fortress and saves himself from them. Similarly a man cannot save himself from his enemy except by means of dhikr.” [Narrated by al-Haafiz Abu Moosa al-Madani in al-Targheeb wa’t-Tarheeb]
Fourthly:
Opposing the Shaytaan, if he comes to you whilst you are praying, and says, “You are showing off (so cut your prayer short),” then make your prayer lengthy. Even with regard to a piece of food that falls to the ground, the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu ‘alayhi Wassalam) said: “Pick it up and do not leave it for the Shaytaan…” [Narrated by Sahih Muslim].
Fifthly:
Repenting and seeking Allah’s forgiveness. According to the hadeeth the Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wassallam) said: “Shaytaan said to Almighty Allah: ‘By Your Glory O Lord, I will keep trying to misguide Your slaves so long as their souls are in their bodies.’ Allah Ta’ala replied, ‘By My Glory and Majesty, I will continue to forgive them so long as they ask My forgiveness.’ [ Musnad Ahmad-Narrated by Imam Ahmad rahmatullahi’alayhi]
These are some of the means that will help you to ward off this waswaas. We ask Allah Ta’ala to grant us refuge from the madness of the devils and from their traps and whispers.
For more queries don’t hesitate to write back.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Wassalamu Alaykum
Mufti Ebrahim Desai (M2)
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah