Kindly answer this Question from a concerned brother that was sent to Radio Islam…
Plz try to make my mind again as i have lost my love I’m slowly slowly loosing Faith in Allah also plz help me out not actually a break up but her family dnt like me and she don’t have enough courage to stand in front of her family… and she keep telling me to make dua and Allah will help us.. And in my view Allah is not doing anything if he is really there then why is this things happens Why she is not with me right now????
Plz help me out and guide me what to do????
NB: Respected Mufti Saheb I started working for Radio Islam recently and amongst my duties i also have to answer emails, so wanted to know If i could send Mufti Saheb those Questions that I’m unable to answer?
011 854 7022
082 738 3813
Dear Brother Suhaib
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
We wish you well at your new appointment. You are most welcome to forward us queries which you are unable to answer. Instead of posting through the askimam.org website, you forward your queries on our direct email address.
After studying the contents of the email we understand that the husband is either staying with his in laws or staying close by and is being dominated by them. Any person of integrity and respect always feel threatened when their independence and decision making is jeopardized or dominated by outside influences. The husband is feeling obliged to his wife’s family either for one of two reasons.
1) Either he is soft natured and they have taken advantage of his softness and dominated him to such a degree which he cannot tolerate.
2) He is financially unstable/ weak and relies on them for assistance and support. The in laws in turn had abused their financial assistance to subject the husband to their feelings and ways.
This sense of insecurity and lack of independence has caused the husband to lose his self esteem and has made him reach a mental state of incapability. The repercussions of such a move is that the husband has become so frustrated with life and lost hope that he feels that none can help him. This has also affected his Deen and has deprived him of the pleasures and comfort of Ibaadat.
In order to remedy the situation, the husband must take the courage and speak to his wife of his situation. If he feels that his in laws have dominated him, then he must move away from them and seek employment elsewhere. He should not feel obligated to them and he must begin a new chapter in his life. He rather earn little and feed his family with respect and dignity than relying on someone and being obligated to them. He should be straightforward to his wife and place his cards clearly before her. If the wife does not oblige to his call for independence, the husband should engage the seniors of the family and persuade her to support him in his endeavours.
Furthermore, the husband must make contact with a reliable Alim who has insight into social issues and take his advice. The husband must maintain his calmness and handle the issue with extreme wisdom and diplomacy. He should not haste in making any decision and should consult with the experienced people of the family. The husband must begin performing his Salaah and making Zikr of Almighty Allah in abundance. A person becomes depressed because of the lack of obedience to Almighty Allah. Consider the situation as a means of you coming closer to Allah and an excuse of changing your life. You should also consider taking a spiritual guide who would advise you on the spiritual ailments one would experience on a day to day basis.
And Allah knows best
Muhammed Zakariyya Desai,
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Emran Vawda
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah