I am a sinful boy my father is a very religious man ( a responsible saathi of jamaat).My mother who was(non-muslim) has accepted islam since marriage but lately she has gone far ahead as regards to following the religion. She has learnt Arabic at the age of 40 and has completed Quran and has also gone for 40 days masturaat jammat. but unfortunately i m a shame on my family , i have been involved in sexual activities with prostitutes but i dont drink alcohol nor do i smoke. This is the only habit in which i have been involved as i was not able to control my sexual desires. Everytime after performing this sin i make taubah due to fear of allah’s Azaab and also due to fear of hiv. But everytime i remove a test and if i m saved i indulge in sin once again but this time even after removing the test and even after my doctor(Hiv consultant) assuring me that i am not infected and also my phsycatarist has been assuring me since i have a mental disorder problem as well and there is a lot of negativity in my thought process. I dont know why i m not able to come out of the fear absolutely. Is this because allah does not want me to get carefree and perform this sin once again and i m very worried about my future.? What will happen if i ever get infected ? Will my parents duas work for me ? Or whatvever is in my taqdeer will happen. I have read all your answers related to Taqdeer , Destiny.
You ask many questions about the welfare of your life in this world and the hereafter with regard to your present behaviour. You have also stated that you have been seeing a physician and a psychiatrist for this behaviour. You also raise many concerns regarding the consequences of your behaviour which you yourself find “unacceptable.”
>From the above it is obvious that you are well aware of the emotional,
>physical and spiritual risks and dangers you are putting your world and
>your aagirah into. Your psychiatrist must have explained and discussed
>with you at length how you may be able to cope with and handle this
>situation by adopting various measures you should take daily to change
>your behaviour.
I would like to ask, were you or have you been sexually molested as a child? If so, did it occur with a family person, friend of the family or stranger? If your answers to these questions are in the affirmative, have you discussed them with your psychiatrist?
You say you are “a sinful boy.” How old are you? If you are an adolescent, are you giving in to peer pressure and if you are in your 20’s are you indulging in this behaviour to impress your friends?
You say you are very worried about your future. You have been given sufficient information from your doctors about the risks of HIV and AIDS. In Islam we are guided towards seeking knowledge ie. learning about what is good /harmful for us and then acting on that knowledge so that it can benefit us.
Your doctors have given you information which is very important to you as a creation of Allah. Your body and your life are a gift to you from your Creator. They are giving you valuable information as to how you can protect, appreciate and value this gift. It is for you to use this information they have given you. For instance, if someone dear to you gave you an expensive, valuable gift, would you leave it to lie around where all and sundry could destroy it by trampling all over it?
Yes, you are a creation of Allah and HE did create you from among the best of nations. Yes, you are one of those who have claimed that Allah is your Rab and that Nabi (salallaahu alayhi wassalaam) is HIS messenger and last prophet. And YOU have been granted imaan…….. which is the greatest gift of all.
You are fortunate that you have pious parents who are practicing deen. That is, they are learning about deen, putting it into practice and hopefully teaching it to others too. You are part of their life. Have you spoken to your father or mother of your difficulty and are either of them aware of your inability to stop this practice of yours? Do try to speak to them about your problem. They may be upset inititally and this is a normal reaction of parents as it will be painful news for them. However if you speak to them with your doctor, they may be of great assistance to you and help you to come out of this behaviour. Or perhaps an elder brother or pious friend whom you could trust with this information could be guide and steer you away from these places whenever you feel inclined to go there?
Have you tried to join your father in his daily activities, ie. get up with him for tahudjud salaah, fajr salaah, go to work/school, perform thuhr salaah, keep your self involved in recitation of the quran, making zikr, istigfaar etc after asr salaah, going in ghust with him and then occupying yourself further in deeni activity which will keep you out of harms way till magrib and after esha salaah?
You may not know it, but you may just have so much potential and skill stored away in your heart and mind which Allah may have blessed you with. How are you ever going to know what contribution you can make to your life, to your parents and to your fellow human beings if you do not give yourself a fair start? If you have so many concerns about your future, when are you going to start to live that future?
You can try to mistakenly rely on “taqdeer” and continue with your “unacceptable” behaviour which is truly self-destructive. You say you have read the articles on taqdeer but have you really understood these articles?. Somehow you appear to be an educated person.
I ask you a very simple question. Will you put your hand into a blazing fire and allow it to go on burning till all the bones burn off your hand one by one? Will you then say, ” This was in my taqdeer, I was destined to lose my hand so I cannot help it”?
Another question, despite the great pain and agony you suffered, will you then go ahead and do likewise to your other hand, arms, both feet, legs etc? At what point will you be able to decide and realise that this is not taqdeer, but your own actions which are contrary to healthy living and Allah’s commands?
Allah created us as HIS most excellent creations on a level high above the angels. Angels do not have a single choice as to what they can or cannot do. They must follow Allah’s commands strictly. We DO have choices. We can make as many choices as we want about anything and everything that affects our lifes. Whatever choices we make, positive or negative, we have to take responsibility for them and face the consequences thereof.
It is because we are human that we will make the wrong choices at times. We will err and we will sin. Merciful Allah has given us the avenue of turning to HIM in all sincerity to atone for our sins by making TAWBAH. If we turn to HIM in all sincerity, acknowledge our sin, make sincere TAWBAH for it, PROMISE NEVER to commit the sin again and then STAY AWAY from it, then surely He will forgive us.
This needs a concerted effort on our behalf. When we find ourselves vulnerable to certain temptations, we should also seek assistance from our learned elders. Try to confide in a learned person whom you can trust and who will be your spiritual and worldly guide as well. Allah will be pleased with you that you are making every effort to overcome your nafs, insha’allah.
To rely on your own will and to go on thinking that your parent’s duas are going to be your salvation is “tempting fate.” I suggest you go with your doctor to see some people who are suffering from full blown AIDS. Go and nurse some of them and look after them for a few days or weeks. You may just get your answer to ” what will happen if i ever get infected?”
Remember too that HIV is not the only sexually transmitted disease you can get. There are many more which can stay with you for the rest of your life and may not become known to you until it is too late to do anything about them. You say everytime after your doctor tells you that your results are negative you go back to the prostitutes. Has he ever checked for other sexually transmitted diseases?
Finally I would like to add that it is said that, “learning is said to have taken place only when there is behaviour change.” Are you learning or have you LEARNED anything from your doctors or from the many articles you have read on this website?
May ALLAH be your guide and may you have the ability to sincerely turn to HIM and surrender to HIM and HIS commands. May Allah grant you knowledge and the wisdom to use if for your benefit in this world and the hereafter, ameen.
Please feel free to write again if you wish.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai