Dear Imam, Assalamualaikum. I always had a weakness for my cousin sister who is five years younger than me. I intend to marry her in future. I have never proposed my love to her knowing that it’s not Islamic but sometimes I had talked to her on formal family gatherings and in presence of other cousins and it was about how is her everything (like studies) coming along. Right now, I am pursuing my studies in a foreign land and my weakness for her is also growing as the days passes. Now, I have the following questions: 1) Is it engagement (betrothal) is allowed in Islam? Can I make an engagement (betrothal) by telling it to both of our parents? 2) As I had to call their house in order to talk to my parents (as we don’t have a phone in my house), am I allowed talking to her over the phone? I feel good when I talk to her but I never ask her to talk to me. It’s just that sometimes she picks up the phone and I ask about her studies & everything. Am I allowed to do that? 3) Sometimes when I am alone I think of her and contemplate over her. Is this weakness for her and thinking of her a sin in Islam? 4) Her father is working in a bank and that bank deals with interest. So, most probably her fathers earning is not halal according to Islam. So, is it prohibited in Islam to get married to a woman whose father works in a bank and accounts for interest? 5) Sometimes I feel deeply for her. What should I do to control my emotion? Jazakallah, Wassalam Asad
Marriage is an important step in life. It may increase
a person’s quality of life or may even decrease it. If
the spouse is pious and compatable, then there will be
peace and happiness. If the spouse is not pious and
compatable, then that will lead to grief and agony. We
therefore advise you to exercise precaution in choosing
your marriage partner. If you identified your cousin
to be a suitable wife to you, you should make
Istikhara (Seek Divine Guidance) as well as make
Mushura (consult) with your seniors. If you are still
satisfied you should make an official proposal as well
as confirm that upon acceptance. The acceptance of a
proposal is sufficient for an engagment. The customs
of exchanging expensive gifts and making the engagment
an independant ceremony which evolves extravagances is
against the spirit of simplicity advocated in Islam.
It is adivsable to marry soon thereafter. That will
help overcome talking to your cousin before marriage
as Shariah prohibits every type of pre-marital
relationship.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.