I need help and advise how to go about the problem i my life that is destroying me !!!

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

SalaamWalaaikum, I am confused with my life .I am 25 and pursiung my Studies in USA. I have been having masturbation problem for like from age 20.I always wished that I get settled in life and then get married in the right way and live a perfectly happy and islamic life. But the way things are going on with my life I am sure I am destroying myself as I feel I can never make it and in this I tend to do more harm to me. I feel I have lost the pace of life feel lost. I feel jealous seeing guys with girls as I dont have no one to share my life and time with which forces me to make out some time for masturabation. When I have the urge even knowing that its wrong and bad I feel no force and thinking can make me give that up.Upon that I feel guilty after doing it. I needed an answer that would work for my case. Is there an duaas where in you can make so you have no craving whatsoever and thus make my body and mind pure fast. I feel due to my masturabtion my whole family is being punished for that.I cant tell this to my Mother or anyone. I have tried various attempts,when I dont masturabate for like 3-4 days.As the days goes by the intensity of having masturabtion and sex goes so intense but I feel I am blessed by Allah for restraining this long still I think of it 24/7 till masturbate. Whats the best way to kill this habit once and for all. My craving for sex beleive me is way beyond control. Please try helping me….. Feeamaanillah..

Answer

Jazakallah for writing to the institute.

Brother, you say the problem us destroying you. No, that is not really correct. Allah Ta’ala has granted every one of us the freedom of choice. It is not the problem that is destroying you. Your actions and thoughts are. You have the freedom to choose to be blessed with a wife who will be there for you to help you to fulfill your sexually in a way that will really satisfy and enthrall you, or you can choose to go on the way you are.

Remember that only the lower creatures that Allah Ta’ala created have no freedom of choice. Animals for instance don’t have akal, they cannot figure out that a certain act is going to be harmful to them so they cannot make active decisions to avoid the harmful act. We have been created on a level high above that of the angels. We can choose to remain on that high level or we can choose to sink below it. Your present actions are obviously tormenting you and causing you a great deal of guilt. When a smoker or alcoholic want to give up their bad habits, they either go “cold turkey” or they seek professional help. It is totally up to you to decide what it is you want out of life.

You started masturbating 5 years ago which means you are not beyond help. Do remember that as long as you go on this way, you will have difficulty later. One spin off with continuous self stimulation is that you will learn to have an orgasm very quickly and thus not be able to sustain foreplay with a wife. This will lead to problems in your marriage as you will fail to satisfy your wife. I suggest that you seek help, (ie. behavior modification) through a psychologist, preferably a Muslim one. Start fasting as often as possible, perform your daily salaah punctually and get up for Tuhajjud salaah nightly. Declare to Allah Ta’ala your repentance, grief and need for His forgiveness and help. Make extensive amounts of zikr (recite Allah Ta’ala’s beautiful names) even if it means that you do so all day. You don’t have to do so loudly as whispering or just within your heart will also suffice. In this way your thoughts will be filled with Allah Ta’al’s remembrance and shaitaan will not be able to influence you, nor will you give in to your nafs. Make abundant istigfaar, darood shareef and read the holy Quran with meaning so that you understand what you are reading and in this way gain closeness to Allah Ta’ala and also realize that you are a special human being. Once you learn what is expected from you as a Muslim man, insha’allah you will gain the tawfeeq to obey Allah Ta’ala’s commands. Your parents and family are not the one’s who are punished for any wrong that you commit, you are an adult so you are accountable for your acts of omission and commission. You are totally answerable for you deeds, both good and bad.

Remember too that intelligence means to make use of your knowledge to benefit you.You have lots of information as far as your present practice is concerned. It will need commitment, effort and a sincere desire to change which will make a difference. Remember too that Allah Ta’ala is most merciful and forgiving so turn to Him with sincerity and you will overcome this difficulty. Shaitaan promised Allah Ta’ala that he would take as many believers as possible to Jahannum with him. We have to change our ways and turn to Allah Ta’ala, for He is the One who will save us from the torment of Jahannum. Allah Ta’ala will respond to your sincere calls, so please turn to Him. May Allah Ta’ala guide you. Ameen

And Allah Ta’ala knows best.

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