My friend has done many wrong things, which I have tried to talk her out of, but she refuses to listen to reason. She has had a boyfriend for the past two years, and because of this her father beats her brutally. I don’t believe that this is the right way to get through to her. She is beaten violently until she is bleeding. Also her father warned her that if she doesn’t break up then he would divorce her mother, who would have no one to go to. And so for the safety of her mother she broke up. But I fear that she will do something similar again. And I don’t agree with the way her father reacts. So please give me some advice. Also they are very strict Memons, who believe that they can only marry this certain group within Memons. Her father believes his group of people is superior, and they should not mix blood with anyone else. Is there any proper way like ayats from the Quran that I could use to reason with his superiority beliefs?
Jazaakumullah for your confidence in us and sorry for our delay in response.
There seems to be perhaps a deeper complexity to your friend’s problem in her social environment at home. Nevertheless, often people go into early relationships or love relationships simply to be ?loved?. Love is an important emotion to a human being. The need to be ?loved? could stem from various reasons ? background history of client is important to deal with a situation.
The brutal beating being the threat to divorce the wife ? speaks volumes about the father. Could it possibly be that this young girl yearns for true love from a real gentleman who will not threaten and beat, but will be ?a man of any woman’s dreams?? also to note she perhaps is afraid of marrying in the same category of memons ? as the example of her father is not encouraging.
Perhaps the following may help:
1. Since she has confidence in you, win her with a listening ear about her problems at home, her historical background without giving her advice. Let her pour it out, but remember to keep it in strict confidentiality. Take her permission before discussing her personal details with anyone, however, without names mentioned. Her talking or even writing is therapeautic in itself. Help her clarify her thoughts and priorities in life ? according to her level.
2. Gradually bring in the love of Allah Ta’ala. Encourage her tears to be poured in crying to Allah Ta’ala, pleasing forgiveness for all sins from the time one has come of age, as we learn that increase in sincere Tawbah can remove one from problems and difficulties.
3. As far as her boyfriend, encourage her to test his love, for if he is true and if her Taqdeer is with him nothing will prevent their union. However, it will require willpower and a test on herself. She must tell him that she wants to lead her life the correct way to ensure happiness, hence, rather follow correct procedure. Terminate the illicit relationship immediately. Both should implore to Allah Ta’ala deep for hearted forgiveness, then make Istikhaara for marriage. If this boy be good for her and her end, then Allah Ta’ala to guide her. She must ask for the best in a man especially who has Deen ? for out of fear and love for Allah Ta’ala, he will love and fulfil his wife’s rights and duties and won’t abuse her.
4. She must make du’aa for her parents even to soften the father’s heart.
5. Then resign the will to Allah Ta’ala.
6. Don?t give up hope in the mercy of Allah.
7. Perhaps she may be saved from another rock and roll marriage of unhappiness with this man and her sacrifice and turning to love of Allah will earn her much more.
and Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
2SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai