Your advice that a girl should speak to an elder or senior person in her community is not useful. She cannot go above the heads of her parents…

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by

What if a muslim girl’s parents do not make efforts to ensure that she gets married?  Your answers frequently refer to asking an “elder”  or ” senior member of the community. ”  what if this is not practical?  You have stated many times that a person must make efforts to get married rather than rely on destiny alone — ie Allah SWT helps those who help themselves.

so for an unmarried muslim girl in her mid-30s, what is the procedure if her parents are too old or tired to invite inquiries?  Must she make prayers only and just sit back and wait?  Is it not absolutely mandatory for the parents to continue to make efforts (regardless of how old or tired or sick they are) to ensure she gets married to someone similar to her station in life?  It seems that the Islamic tradition is such that women are at the mercy of proposals; the problem with this approach is that if the girl is not very pretty or if she is overweight, or nearing age 40, such as myself, then these proposals do not come.

your advice that a girl should speak to an elder or senior person in her community is not useful.  She cannot go above the heads of her parents. 

What is the Islamic way, then, of fulfilling your deen?



In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

If ones parents do not or cannot for some reason or the other make an effort to get their daughter married and /or it is not practical to seek assistance of an elder in the community, the such a person should make her own effort in getting married. In doing so, she must safeguard her dignity and chastity. Generally such women are vulnerable to abuse by immoral men.

And Allah knows best


Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah

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