I have this really bad problem about masturbation. I just can’t stop. I stop for two weeks and I do it again. I stopped watching TV and stopped going to any site that might show a woman uncovered even a little. I get on this track and then somehow I just lose it and watch pornography and masturbate. I have also heard of hadith that the masturbator is cursed by our nabi, i know of this hadith yet i can’t stop. Once I was masturbating and this came into my head, and then a thought really bad thought about me blaspheming our nabi came. Astaghfirullah. I don’t want to think like that. I love Allah and his messenger. This has happened twice. I feel disgusted by myself. does the thought put me out of Islam. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a pious person. I pray my salat everyday on time. I want to repent, but I have repented so omany times and I still fall in the trap again. What should I do?
Firstly, congratulations on your determination to overcome this evil habit, and hence your taking the step to acknowledge the problem.
Please find below two articles on the subject.
Never ever give up, for as long as there is regret in the heart, there is hope that you will, insha-Allah, overcome this malady.
Do not let the mere thought of blasphemy perturb you. You are, Alhamdulillah, a Muslim, and that is why you are concerned. A person does not loose his Imaan simply on a stray thought.
Keep up the effort, and if perchance there is a slip, return to istighfaar, even if is be a million times. Eventually Shaitaan and the nafs (carnal desires) will get frustrated, and you will win the battle over them.
Another remedy is that when the urge arises, consider that if someone senior or respected in your eyes were present, would you still go ahead. Would you do this act in front of your father or mother or grandparent for example? Certainly not! When the presence of this person can subdue the urge, it proves that you do have the potential of controlling this urge. It is just left up to you to now tap into this potential.
We make Dua Allah Ta’ala assists you in your efforts.
And Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Ml. E. Vawda
for Daarul Iftaa
Remedy for Masturbation
The anathema of masturbation is very common among young and adolescent boys. One reason for this habit is the unrestricted movement of women on the streets, in the market places and at recreation centres. Women go about in tight-fitting and revealing garments, unmindful of the presence of men.
Obscene scenes in plays and films promote sexual self-indulgence. Periodicals and magazines that contain romantic and sexual matter lead young boys and girls to shamelessness and immodesty.
Youngsters who are not inspired by the fear of Allah Ta’ala and of the consequences of their actions, are apt to gratify themselves by committing fornication and other unlawful acts, or by resorting to self-indulgence. These harm the body, the mind and affect one’s psychological health.
A person who masturbates becomes weak and thin, palpitation increases and his memory becomes weak. The digestive system is impaired and inflammation of the lungs occurs. One may also become anaemic.
Impotency is the natural outcome of masturbation. A boy who has indulged in the habit of masturbation is not capable of marriage when he grows up. If he does marry, his wife hates him and often husband and wife may divorce. If the woman is pious, she will become depressed and if she is not, she will resort to unlawful acts.
Psychological and Mental Health
A person who masturbates will suffer psychological problems and is liable to mental illnesses like forgetfulness, loss of memory, weak determination, preference for solitude, extreme shyness and fear, being sorrowful and possibly contemplate some serious crime or even suicide.
Injunction of Shari’ah in this regard
The act of masturbation is despicable. It is a grave sin and is unlawful. The noble Qur’aan commands the guarding of private organs. With the exception of sexual intercourse with one’s wife, all forms of sexual satisfaction are unlawful and these include fornication, adultery, homosexuality and masturbation, or any other sexual perversion. On the day of Qiyaamah, the perpetrators of such acts will suffer a dreadful punishment and will be deprived of the Mercy of Allah Ta’ala.
The remedy for this disease
Early marriage is a perfect, beneficial and natural remedy for this dangerous addiction.
If, for some reason, it is not possible to marry at an early age, voluntary fasts may be kept. By fasting, lustful thoughts are curbed and thus one’s sexual urge is reduced. Further, fasting promotes fear of Allah Ta’ala and creates humility.
There are various kinds of voluntary fasts. One is the Sawm-e-Daawood [the fast of Daawood – Alayhis salaam] which means fasting every alternate day. Fasts can also be observed on Mondays and Thursdays, six days during the month of Shawaal, the ninth and tenth of Muharram, or any other day (besides the five prohibited days).
Shun whatever excites sexual thoughts
Young people destroy themselves when they pursue things that incite emotions and become like animals in fulfilling their desires. It is essential for young people to keep away from gatherings and opportunities that may arouse their sexual passions, or where they may come across women in revealing or tightfitting attire. They must abstain from listening to romantic tales or reading pornographic novels and magazines, hearing music and indecent songs or viewing such films.
Engage in fruitful pursuit
Adolescents and teenagers should not sit alone when they have nothing to do. This will allow their imaginations to run wild and sexual passions will be aroused. They should spend their time properly so that they do not get arousing and lustful ideas. They can keep themselves busy with physical exercise, pure recreation, sensible reading and religious lessons.
It is important to select good and pious friends and companions. Such friends may guard us from erring and although they are rare, they are found everywhere. Search for such company and let yourself spend time with them. Remember that people imitate their friends. Therefore, to strengthen your Imaan, character and physique, keep away from evil companions and adopt the company of virtuous people.
Act on medical advice
Doctors of medicine give the following suggestions on how to restrain lustful desires and sexual urges:
• Have cold baths in summer.
• Pour cold water on the penis in other seasons.
• Engage in physical exercises and sports (some doctors recommend special exercises to curb lustful desires)
• Abstain from spices and all types of food that excite sex
• Cut down on tea, coffee and invigorating beverages
• Reduce intake of meat and eggs to a minimum
• Do not lie down flat on the back or on the stomach. Rather lie on the right side in compliance with the Sunnah.
Fear Allah Ta’ala
When fear of Allah Ta’ala is rooted in a person, all sinful and evil acts will be shunned. One will then realise that Allah is always watching, and is aware of everything, whether apparent or hidden. One will take account of every act of disobedience and omission of duty and will know that Allah will punish the disobedient from His Creation.
Young people must attend gatherings where Allah Ta’ala is eulogised. One must offer one’s Fardh Salaat and make it a habit to offer nafl Salaat and recite the Qur’aan on a regular basis. One must cultivate the fear of Allah, the habit of muraaqabah (meditation), and the realisation of Allah’s Majestic Powers. This is possible when one accustoms oneself to rising in the latter portion of the night for the tahajjud Salaat, keeping optional fasts, listening to the chronicles of the Sahaaba [Radhiallaahu anhum], spending time with pious people, keeping contact with the righteous and remembering death and the Hereafter. Therefore, develop such habits so that you are not drawn into temptation and sensuality. Remember that the punishment for disobedience and sinning is the fire of Jahannam.
Masturbation and steps for overcoming it
Masturbation is defined as the manual stimulation of the male or female genitals, not by sexual intercourse, designed to produce an orgasm. Masturbation is totally forbidden in Shari’ah.
One of the most humiliating problems that the constant male masturbator suffers from when he attempts to have sexual relations is premature ejaculation or the failure to maintain an erection. When a person is masturbating, he tends to reach his orgasm as quickly as possible but in sexual intercourse, he normally has to attempt to control his excitement which can impose a great strain on those who indulge in self abuse over a lengthy period.
Those who achieve insufficient satisfaction from sexual intercourse and return to masturbation or never give it up suffer a great torment. Sex life is empty for them, which leads to many more problems, marital disputes, divorce, etc.
Therefore, people who continuously masturbate lose out all round. The physical pleasure becomes reduced to a natural act like urinating or excreting and at the back of their minds there is an awareness that they are missing out on the real pleasures of life. No adult can honestly claim to masturbate without a guilty feeling of complete uselessness. Masturbation is merely an exhaustive rather than constructive undertaking resulting in nothing but total loss. Once orgasm has been achieved, there is nothing left except a feeling of complete emptiness.
Steps in overcoming masturbation
Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female. And you can also be cured if you determine that it must be so. If you want to give it up, you need will power and determination. Rasulullah [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘The Niyyat of a believer is better than the act.’
This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. Firstly, you must decide that you will end this practice and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. But it must be more than a hope or a wish more than knowing that it is good for you. You must realize that this is a great evil and you have to want to give it up.
It must be actually a decision. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. Ask Allah to help you and give you strength and steadfastness to succeed.
After you have made this decision then observe the following specific guidelines.
Guidelines 1. First step is to realize that you are violating Allah’s command and you are bringing upon yourself a life long destruction and harm.
2. Never touch the intimate parts of your body unnecessarily.
3. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company. Remember, an idle mind is the devil’s (Shaytaan) workshop.
4. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, you must break off their friendship. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don’t suppose that both of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.
The problem must be taken out of your mind for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things. It is mentioned in a Hadith that a person is upon the way of his friend. (Bukhari, Tirmizi)
5. When you bath, do so as quick as possible.
6. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing, you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking and the temptation would leave you.
If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, engage in something useful. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you focus your mind on something else. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
7. Never look at pornographic material.
8. The attitude of the individual has an effect on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control this habit. The person must first realize the evil of this act. Secondly he must understand the reason for this behavior.
After these 2 steps, the individual needs to become sensitive to the situations and conditions which may cause a person to commit this vile act. Hence a person must guard himself from anything, which may trigger a desire for this act. By following these steps, a person gains the ability to gain victory from this act, hence the power to control this filthy practice is developed. Remember you need also a bit of will-power.
1. MAKE Duaa daily; seek help from Allah, this will strengthen you against temptation.
2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercises. The exercise reduces emotional tension and depression and is absolutely basic to the solution to this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
4. Set goals of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a week, a month, a year and finally commit to never doing it again. Till you don’t commit yourself, to never indulging yourself in this vile act, you’ll always be open to temptation.
6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
7. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged, these emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a Kitab, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
8. Start frequenting the Musjid. Make it a daily practice to recite part of the Quraan. Find out about authentic books which you can read from your local Aalim.
9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you. Color the day on which you masturbate black. The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall in detail what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.
11. In the field of psychotherapy, there is a very effective technique called aversion therapy .When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self control, it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
17. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. Shaytaan never gives up. Keep a positive mental attitude and always stay on guard. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do, will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.