Please tell me what is my status with him is this is a divorce or a khul.?
I threat my husband (untruly)to tell his first wife who is unaware of our marriage he got scared and gave me second divorce by stating that he does not want to leave me and he has intension to get back to me. But he is giving me divorce because I threat and make him mad. living in USA its hard and difficult to explain to the first wife (she is converted muslim) and she has filed a case for children neglecting(which is not true) against him. Case is still pending and no one knows how long it will take. this make more difficult for the husband position by law he cant and he can be in bigger trouble. he want me to stay and if the first wife will ever know then he will decide what to do.its already been one and half year that no one knows about our secret marriage including our families. I cant have kids in this situation, feeling insecure i demand for divorce. I wish to continue with him but his unclear message and action make me scared. I felt that he is using me up until he can go back and live with his first wife. since i have no right over him i want to leave him he told me that he cant fulfill my rights and i have to just be quite and live with him. whenever he can he will come and I should do my things.
after second divorce he came over and he want me back but left on me that if i want him back then without my wish he touched me i have no intension to get back to him unless we cleared that everyone should know about our marriage including the first wife. he touched me while i was in my clothes. and we both know this much that if we have sex by penetrate then we can be halal for each other. if we made mistake than i ask for forgiveness from ALLAH SWT. and i firmly make tauba for my sin. Imam sahib i have no one to tell and I don’t know where I’m standing some time i get really scared that I will gain nothing but Allah’s wrath. because I’m not in peace because I lied for him so many time when he needs to come over, people purpose me, and when i read quran, salah, or my Islamic studies all this problems bother me. since i asked for divorce and he put the condition by saying that first get your period then. because he doesn’t want that if I’m pregnant and he divorce me.
Please explain what is our status right now and what should I do I don’t want to get back to him unless the matter is solved because i don’t want to loose my Imaan just thinking what will happen next and i told him I want to live in peace since i have no problem that he has wife but he should think that I’m his wife too and i shouldn’t be living hiding rest of my life. i told him that I will give up my rights like spending time, money but i should not be living in fear. All this I talk to him already and I cant see myself in the situation that when he is with me her first wife get suspicious and we end our matter more harsh fully but his answer is that he cant talk to her because of the case pending second she will not understand and put him in a bigger trouble.( he told me lately he doesn’t need a wife who argue and when he can he will come to me and I should do my chore and not to bother him. (In other words now he has this condition for me to live with him) for this condition he will tell his family except her. that he is getting married to me. please advise what is best for me.
PS.he married me by saying that his wife is filling for divorce and he need a mother for the children. and after first divorce he was agreed to tell everyone that’s why i came back to him. if you need more detail please mention so i dont have to repeat the long quetions again.i will just refer by fatwa number.
please tell me what is my status with him is this is a divorce or a khul.?
I deeply pray for you to putting efforts in this matter.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Firstly, you should repent for making a secret nikah. The harm and ill-effects of the secret nikah is apparent. We also advise you to turn to Allah Ta’ala and constantly make dua for a brighter future. You should also inform some of your elders as to what had happened so they can assist you.
If your husband touched you with lust then you will be considered as his wife (i.e. ruju will take place) and your husband will have the right to give only one talaq in future. However, if he did not intend to take you back then you will have to spend your idda of three monthly cycles. If he merely touched you and there was no lust and desire, then the divorce will not be revoked.
( قوله وتصح في العدة إن لم يطلق ثلاثا ، ولو لم ترض براجعتك أو راجعت امرأتي ، وبما يوجب حرمة المصاهرة) … الى
وسوى بين القول والفعل في الصحة للاحتراز عن الكراهة فإنها مكروهة بالفعل كما في الجوهرة فدخل الوطء والتقبيل بشهوة على أي موضع كان فما أو خدا أو ذقنا أو جبهة أو رأسا أو المس بلا حائل أو بحائل يجد الحرارة معه بشهوة
البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق – (ج 4 / ص 50)
And Allah knows best
Ml. Ishaq E. Moosa,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah