My question is long but read on help me. I had a sinful life. When I was 14 yrs of age I got involved with a boy and had zina for abt 5 yrs. I asked him to marry me but he couldn’t coz of his family I got so frustrated that I got involved with a married guy from my office. Then I was working in a photographic company. I had zina with him for sometime and wanted to get married but he also couldn’t leave his wife so I just married a guy whom I met in one month’s time. I never knew him or tried understanding him. After abt 4 months time he started ignoring me. He didn’t care much abt me then I started was having a secret affair with the married guy. I had zina with him again but only once. I tried to live innocently but my husband didn’t care abt my physical and emotional needs. I got pregnant with my husbands baby. After the baby was born many problems started to create he didn’t come home from office he didn’t care abt what me and my baby was going through .My father passed away after some days then I was really sad but my husband didn’t even care. Then I asked him for divorce, he divorced me when I was in iddha I had zina with the married guy. I knew these things weren’t right but didn’t feel that it was much of a big deal coz when I was a kid I use to masturbate my self and my mother knew it and never stopped me and I saw my mother with different guys in the room locked when my father was at office. And my mother supported me to get involved with the other guy when I was married. My ex-husband asked to marry me once again but I tried living on my own. But couldn’t financially I wasn’t capable. I had others who wanted to marry me but again I chose my ex-husband this time I thought I wouldn’t talk to any unknown or known guys. For sometime just a months time he was very good then again changed what he promised me vanished. He also have had affairs. once again a stranger started calling me over the phone I just talked to him to pass time he said he wanted to see me and invited to a guest house I went with my kid she started crying I came back home he called me and said he was looking for sex if I didn’t come he would tell my husband everything that I had told him abt me and my husbands relationship. I was scared called my husband and told him my self everything that happened with that guy. He said it was ok but after some days he took the issue and started fighting over everything. Now I don’t want to even look at a man other than my husband coz I know how sinful it is. I read couple of books abt Islam dheen and went through some question and answers from ur site. Now the problem is I know things that are forbidden like to listen to music, birthdays are not to be celebrated, male have to have beard trousers above their ankle, female to cover their face and hand too, not to watch television. But my husband doesn’t believe that. I have a little kid I don’t want to ruin her life. I want to stop those things but her father wants her to watch cartoon listen to music. He is very rude with me. If I say anything he will make me do the opposite of it. He doesn’t want my face to be covered and dosent want me to wear unattractive clothes in the public. I cant cover my hair when I am at home but there are his brothers but he feels that I am being too much. There is no privacy for me at his home.I prayed god to show him the right path like he showed me. I am so scared because my life was so sinful I don’t want to live like this. I can’t ignore music coz I live with husband’s family and they listen to music. I asked him to move to my place but he said no. The place is given for rent and it’s mostly used by my husband. He like taking pictures and there are many pictures of us together but I don’t want to keep it but I know once I say to burn or delete it, it will create problems. My husband works in a cable tv company as a technichian I talked to his boss one day I said its sinful to watch tv then he said that I’m mocking Muhammed (S.A.W). I am a munafiq will go to hell. I told him its ok if allah sends me to hell by saying this. It just came out of my mouth coz I was really sad. He said he don’t have to pray coz allah knows he works so hard to earn money. This is what my husband believes too he says he doesn’t have to pray coz he works hard to earn a living. I am desperate to know what to do coz he or his family doesn’t support my view abt dheen.
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