I have a brother -n-law (my sister’s husband), we used to fight (only by words or arguement) i think 3 times..my problem now is that the hadith that says if two muslim do not talk to each other in 3 days their amaals will not be accept, my question now is should i make friend with him despite 1) his not praying (i only see him praying sometimes during ramadhan and 2 eid)? 2) he’s a sex maniac (he rape/commited adultery with our helper, even me he once kiss me arround my back while i was sleeping) 3) he’s business is riba and a lot more bad deeds.. that bad deeds reminds me that he’s not muslim.. mufti please tel me what should i do?
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
The Quran and Ahadith are replete with emphasis on maintaining family ties.
Nabi صلى الله عليه و سلم said:
عن عائشة قالت قال رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- « الرحم معلقة بالعرش تقول من
وصلنى وصله الله ». صحيح مسلم 6683
“Family ties is hanging on the Arsh (throne) of Allah Ta’ala saying:
He who joins me, Allah will join with him”
عن أنس بن مالك قال سمعت رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يقول « من سره أن يبسط عليه رزقه أو ينسأ فى أثره فليصل رحمه ». مسلم 6687
“He who loves that he be increased in his substance
and lifespan should join family ties”
On the other hand the warnings promised for the one who breaks family ties are severe. Says Allah Ta’ala in the Holy Quraan:
الذين ينقضون عهد الله من بعد ميثاقه ويقطعون ما أمر الله به أن يوصل
ويفسدون في الأرض أولئك هم الخاسرون (27)
Those who break the Covenant of Allah after it has been made binding, and cut off the relations Allah has commanded to be joined, and spread disorder on the earth –it is these who are the losers. (al-Baqara 27)
Commanding good and preventing evil is equally important as the importace of maintaining family ties. Nabi صلى الله عليه و سلم said:
فقال أبو سعيد أما هذا فقد قضى ما عليه سمعت رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- يقول « من رأى منكم منكرا فليغيره بيده فإن لم يستطع فبلسانه فإن لم يستطع فبقلبه وذلك أضعف الإيمان ». صحيح مسلم 186
He who sees any evil should change it with his hands, if he is not able, then he should do so with his tongue and if he is unable, then with his heart (i.e. he should have the worry and concern of how he could change it) and this is the weakest form of iman.
Dealing with family members is an extremely sensitive issue. Therefore, in such a situation when advising a family member, it is important to use wisdom and diplomacy. Says Allah Ta’ala in the Noble Quran:
ادع إلى سبيل ربك بالحكمة والموعظة الحسنة وجادلهم بالتي هي أحسن (النحل 125)
Invite (people) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good counsel. And argue with them in the best of manners. [16:125]
The object is not merely to give a long speech on the harms of committing a certain evil etc. but rather your aim should be to convince the person and reform him. Therefore, you first need to show him a lot of love and try to win his confidence and when he is ready to accept what you have to tell him, then you should advise him. Make his heart fertile for you to sew your seeds of advice in the garden of his heart. Your seeds of advice will grow into a beautiful garden of good and pious actions.-Insha-Allah. You could also consider offering him good Islamic literature. Insha-Allah soon it will dawn upon him to abandon his evil practices. Most importantly, you should also make a lot of dua (supplicate unto the All-Mighty).
And Allah knows best
Ml. Ishaq E. Moosa,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah