my parents refuse to look for a husband for me. they are old and sick. they think it is too late, even though i am only in my middle 30’s. In my father’s culture, the parents have to wait for the boys parents to express interest. But also in my parents culture, the girls older than 30 do not get married. I want to get married and have babies and be a mother, like Allah (SWT) intended. I have read the Quran and lots of literature on sunnah etc, and I do not believe that the parents can refuse to look for a husband for their daughter. God gave the woman a uterus for the purpose of having babies. CAn I sever relations with my parents, and seek a husband on my own? Also I know that my parents want me to stay at home to take care of them – that is why they won’t look for husband. There are no “religious leaders” or elders in my community to help me, since I live in North America, so please do not suggest that in your answer. I am running out of time to have a baby, and my parents are too old and sick and they do not care.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Once a person, male of female, becomes an adult, he/she is answerable to Shariah. Salah, fasting and other obligations of Shariah have to be fulfilled by that person. Similarly, Shariah has granted an adult certain rights. An adult has a right to manage and conduct his own financial affairs without hindrance from anyone including ones parents.
The right to marry is also an independent right granted to an adult. You are an adult and you have a right to marry a person of your choice. Your parents cannot stop you from exercising this right. You also do not have to follow your parents’ family customs in choosing a marriage partner. You may search for a suitable marriage partner and also propose to him. There is nothing wrong in Shariah in doing so. There is no need for you to severe ties with your parents in exercising your rights. Shariah also emphasizes on the rights of parents. It is not permissible to sever ties with your parents. You may exercise your Shariah right of marrying a person of your choice and at the same time show respect and love to your parents.
And Allah knows best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah