I am a virgin grl, I recently went to the hospital and had pap smear done and told the woman doc if I I have my hymen. She said no my hymen is not there. What do I do when I get married or how do I bring it up cuz in my culture they kill over that. Ive never been with any one and I am afraid to get married and dont want to cuz my hymen is not there. No man has ever touched me. Please make dua for me I am afraid of being killed for no reason. I do not have a mother either just father and I know he would harm me if he came to know so I am planning on to never get married until I die just live home and take care of my stepmother when she comes to the USA and father. I can’t sleep and cry and worry so much b/c I don’t want to be killed. Allah knows no man has ever touched me.
please answer my question. thank you.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Islam does not recognize the absence of the hymen as a sign for the loss of virginity. It has been mentioned in the books of Islamic Jurisprudence that a girl who looses her hymen due to an injury, excessive bleeding, jumping, etc. will still be regarded as a virgin and the rules regarding a virgin will apply on her.
وإذا زالت بكارتها بوثبة أو حيضة أو جراحة فهي في حكم الأبكار
(Mukhtasar Al Qudoori Pg.134 – Aaram Baagh)
Medical science also concurs with the above opinion. A hymen is a thin tissue lining the entrance of the vagina and can be damaged even during swimming, cycling, a fall or an injury in childhood or later as mentioned above.
We assume that living in a western society, you have been told in school or during health education classes that you have to undergo annual pap tests. We advice you that this pertains to young girls who are sexually active and not to you since you say that you are not involved in a physical relationship. It is possible that you lost your hymen in a previous test, as the speculum the doctors use (in order to do the smear) is rather big and it is not possible for the hymen to remain intact after the test.
You should try to explain this fact to some elderly woman in the family who could convince the males that the hymen does not necessarily break due to intercourse, but can break due to other reasons as mentioned above.
It may be just a good idea to talk to an Alim before you get married. It is more important that parents gain more knowledge about the rulings of Islam instead of destroying family life by sticking to culturally incorrect beliefs. It is our duty as Muslims to inform our brethren so that the ignorant information and the ideas of the old days can be set right.
It will not be advisable to stay single for the rest of your life as this could lead to other sins.
Moreover, you should make excessive dua to Allah Ta’ala that he changes the hearts of the elders of your family in your favour, as it has been mentioned in the Ahadith of Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) that the hearts of all creation are in the control of Allah Ta’ala and He can change them as He wishes.
حدثنى شهر بن حوشب قال قلت لأم سلمة يا أم المؤمنين ما كان أكثر دعاء رسول الله -صلى الله عليه وسلم- إذا كان عندك قالت كان أكثر دعائه « يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبى على دينك ». قالت قلت يا رسول الله ما لأكثر دعائك يا مقلب القلوب ثبت قلبى على دينك قال « يا أم سلمة إنه ليس آدمى إلا وقلبه بين أصبعين من أصابع الله فمن شاء أقام ومن شاء أزاغ ». (رواه الترمذي)
May Allah Ta’ala protect you and may you have the ability to protect your modesty and become a role model in your community and the Muslim Ummah, amen.
And Allah knows best
Ml. Abu Yahya,
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah