i am newly married. I want to know how should love be increased between spouses and with what intentions should we ove each other….Also i want to know that we should not look at each others private parts if we wish to take bath together.

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

i am newly married. I want to know how should love be increased between spouses and with what intentions should we love each other. Is there any dua for it. Also in pakistan during winter we have to open the tap of water  for 30 min. before hot water starts to flow from its sourse. sometimes the water is not coming from the community service. in such condition can we make tayamum after intercourse in order to pray salah. otherwise we have to bath in freezing cold water.

Also i want to know that we should not look at each others private parts if we wish to take bath together. Humbly I want to know that during intercourse I sometimes do look at the private part of my wife in order to guide my private part. I mean sometimes it become necessary to look at private part of wife when during intercourse. is it okay to do so when necessary. I dont want to be included in immodest catagory.

Answer

1. 

Allah Ta’ala has made nikah itself such that it increases love between two individuals.   Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said:

عن ابن عباس قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم لم نر للمتحابين مثل النكاح

Ibn Abbas (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said, “We have not seen anything that creates love between two individuals such as nikah.”  (Ibn Majha)

There are many ways of increasing love between the couple.  Consider the following ten points to maintain a happy marriage and control the instinct of dispute.

1.  Fear Allah: It was the noble practice of Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) to make the spouses aware of the fear of Allah before performing a nikah by reciting the verses (al-Nisa 14, al-Ahzab 69, Aali-Imraan 101) from the Qur’an.  All the verses are common in the message of taqwa (fear of Allah).  The spouses will be first committed to Allah before being committed to their partner.  There can be no doubt in the success of a marriage governed by the fear of Allah.

2.   

Never be angry at the same time: Anger is the root cause for all marital disputes.  One Sahabi came to Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) and sought some advice.  Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied, “Control your anger.”  The same advice was rendered three times.  (Mishkat p. 433; H.M. Saeed)

3.  If one has to win an argument, let it be the other: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever discards an argument despite being correct shall earn a palace in the center of Jannah.  (Mishkat p. 412)

4.  Never shout at each other unless the house is on fire: Luqman (AS) while offering advice to his son said, “And lower your voice for verily the most disliked voice is that of an donkey.” (Surah Luqman 19)

5.  If you have to criticize, do it lovingly: Rasulullah (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “A Mu’min is a mirror for a Mu’min.” (Abu Dawood 2/325 Imdadiya) Advice with dignity and silently.

6.  Never bring up mistakes of the past: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyamah.” (Mishkat p. 429)

7.  Neglect the whole world rather than your marriage partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) confirmed the advice of Salman (Radhiyallahu Anhu) to Abu Darda (Radhiyallahu Anhu) for neglecting his wife.  “Verily there is a right of your wife over you.” (Nasai 2391)

8.  Never sleep with an argument unsettled: Abu Bakr (Radhiyallahu Anhu) resolved his dispute with his wife over feeding the guest before going to bed. (Bukhari 602)

9.  At least, once everyday, express your gratitude to your partner: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Whoever does not show gratitude to the people has not shown gratitude to Allah.” (Abu Dawud p. 662; Karachi)

10.  When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it and ask for forgiveness: Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “All the sons of Adam commit error, and the best of those who err are those who seek forgiveness.” (Tirmidhi 2499)

(Taken from Al-Mahmood)

2. 

Tayammum is permissible in the following cases:

– If water is not available within 1 Shar’ee mile (1.83 km).

– Water is available but very expensive. 

– One is ill and water will deteriorate his health further.  

It will be better in your case to take the cold bath and quickly put on warm clothes.  If water can be heated by letting it run or by heating it on a stove, then it should be heated.  If the time of salat will terminate while heating the water, then one should do tayammum for the time being and perform the salat.  He will later have to perform wudu and make up his salat (qada) later.

Ahsan al-Fatawa (2/54) H.M. Saeed Company

 

3.
It is permissible for a person to look at the private parts of his/her spouse, but it is better to refrain from it.  Nabi (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) has said:

إذا أتى أحدكم أهله فليستتر ، ولا يتجردان تجرد العيرين

If one of you comes to his wife (for intercourse), then he should cover himself and they should not be completely naked like two wild asses. 

(Musannaf ‘Abd al-Razzaq, Musannaf Ibn Abi Shayba)

If one looks at the private parts for a necessary reason, it will be permissible.

Rad al-Muthar (6/366) H.M. Saeed Company

Ahsan al-Fatawa (8/45) H.M. Saeed Company

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