I had a secret marriage no one is accepting and my husband also doesnt understand me at all.

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I had a secret  marriage no one is accepting and my husband also doesnt understand me at all.I feel emotionally neglected and lonely.I shared it with him, but nothing seems to help.He picks on me and even on things i dont do or think even. At the same time he asks me to help him be a better muslim, but when i ask him to do something right rather than wrong, he says im picking on him.And when i object he says im failing to fix him.I am emotionally broken. I have no relatives, my father died.There is no one to help me or advice me.Can i have a khula in this case? If so how?


In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh

JazakAllah for writing to the institute regarding the difficulties you’re experiencing in your marriage.

Unfortunately, since you are in a secret marriage, as long as you do not have someone to act in your interests, you are going to be abused one way or another. Seeing that you do not have a mahram, please contact the local imaam of your masjid, give him the details of your problems and ask him to act as your wali.

You mention that your husband wishes to be ” a better Muslim.”You could point out to him that it is about time that you both find someone to guide and assist the two of you to find your way towards practicing Islam in the way it should be practiced. Approach the matter in a diplomatic way and try to find the common grounds which brought you together. You both found something in each other initially which led you to commit yourselves to marriage. Try to find that element which was positive.

You feel emotionally broken as you are so alone with no one to turn to with your problems and difficulties. Do please approach the imaam as soon as possible. You may write again if you wish. May Allah Ta’ala guide and assist you towards finding fulfillment in your  marriage, ameen.

And Allah knows best


Sister Fadila Social Dept.

Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah