I have recently decided to try and change my dressing to Abbayas and Jubas and now wear my scarf properly, i have noticed how this change affects my attitude and awareness of my deen in every day life situations, especially at work when you are put to test in many ways. My husband has supported me in this decision, although i feel i would like him to start wearing kurta often at work becoz of how i feel it helps maintain that awareness of the deen. He smentioned a while back that it is he’s intention when the time is right. Please tell me if i’m being too extreme by wanting him to change as well, if it will push him away from me, and if the way i feel is a valid reason for changing. Should i mention it to him again, or just have sabr and make dua that he will change some day.
When i make dua, or just generally think about Allah or listen to the stories of the Prophets, at any time of the day, even whilst travelling to work in the morning, or when i’m in family gatherings, i tend to get very emotional and want to cry. Not sure exactly how to explain the feeling and don’t know how to deal with it when i’m with other people, i feel they would not understand.What should i do.
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Jazakillah for writing to the institute. Alhamdoelillah, it is very pleasing to know that you have taken great strides in seeking Allah Ta’ala’s pleasure. You are truly blessed, marsha’allah.
Sister, after I read your mail, I thought about the journey you have taken to be where you are. It is truly only through the Love and Mercy of your Creator that you have been able to make these changes in your life. It is also normal to feel emotional since you probably feel overwhelmed with Allah Ta’ala’s love for you. This is a very good sign so please do not feel embarrassed to cry. Allow me to suggest that in these moments when you feel this way, make lots of dua for all of mankind that Allah Ta’ala’s guidance descends on all of us since we are all in need of His guidance, mercy and also protection from His punishment and wrath. Since we are human, we are apt to falter and sin. We tend to be forgetful, negligent, sometimes even ungrateful and unaware that we are diverting from the straight path. None but Allah Ta’ala can grant hidayah. We can only try and try some more to gain closeness to our Creator and to practice our deen as it should be practiced, to increase our trust, dependence and love for Allah Ta’ala and Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam).
You also need to remind yourself that to make this journey took you some time, effort and commitment. There must have been certain ‘stirrings’ in your heart. You may have thought about what was not ‘right’ in your life. What needed to change, what you needed to give up and what you needed to adopt so that you could feel fulfilled as a Muslimah. You probably battled with certain aspects because they were part of your life for a long time and now you realised that you had to change them. Or, you could have been a very fortunate person who just decided one day that the way you were dressing and behaving were no longer acceptable to you. You may have decided that your identity as a Muslimah was most important to you. Either way, it was through Allah Ta’ala’s guidance that you were lead to this path.
Insha’allah, you will now bring your love for your fellow human beings into play. By displaying kindness and sincere love towards your fellow human beings and by inviting to good with wisdom and patience, insha’allah, they too will develop a desire to adopt the sunnah. Your character which invites to deen by example will draw people towards wanting to imitate you and be in your company. Take the opportunity of sitting in the company of pious ladies and learn from them. Make a point of listening to lectures by pious elders and learn the Quran and Hadith in a language which you understand. It is also very important to learn about how Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) treated the Sahaba, young and old, learned or simple minded folk. He treated them all with love, tolerance and respect. You need to remember that a life time of learning about deen can still not be enough. We can never know enough about deen, so go on learning and teaching it to others if you can. The most important thing to also keep in mind is that it is not how much we know, it is what we do with the knowledge we have. It is totally pointless in having lots of knowledge if we do not practice it.
Allow me to suggest that you invite your husband to take you to lectures/talks on Islam (there must be separate facilities for men and women). Give him time to change, the way Allah Ta’ala gave you time to change and accompany him on this journey by encouraging him with affection and lots of love. Do try to abstain from making negative comments or statements as he has already indicated that he would like to change his dressing. Insha’allah, you will be able to spread message of Islam with your life partner. Do try, if it will not cause a problem, to get rid of the t.v. if you have one in your home. You can also avoid reading books which are devoid of modesty, nor go to movies anymore. And do continue to make lots of dua, zikr, nafl salaah and give sadqa often also. Also start attending madrassa classes for adults. This will benefit both of you in the future when you have children as you will be well equipped to teach them the Quran and Sunnah with full understanding. Insha’allah they will be proud and ‘practicing’ Muslims from an early age. May Allah Ta’ala guide all of us to obey His commands and to practice our deen openly and consciously, ameen
And Allah knows best
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah