How to control ones desires?

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Brother,

It is pleasing to note your feeling of guilt for committing this evil act. The guilt that you are feeling is actually from Allah Ta’ala to reform you and rid you of this evil habit.

It is natural for a person to experience carnal desires. However you should control your desires. Do not aggravate your desires by looking or reading immoral literature. That will only increase your urge and lead you to committing more evil and immoral acts. It is like touching an electrical wire and shocking yourself.

You are 20 years and in the prime of your life. Do not destroy your future. You know that this is an evil action. Make effort and exercise restraint.

Whenever this evil thought comes to you, think to yourself, will I do this evil act if my parents are watching me? Keep in mind that even if no human eye is watching me, the Ever-Watchful Allah Ta’āla knows what we are doing. Remind yourself of the following verse all the time:

الم يعلم بان الله يري

Translation: Does he not know that Allah is watching (everything he does and will punish him for his evil)? [Surah Alaq:14]

Hereunder are a few guidelines that one may keep in mind to avoid committing such evil actions:

• Think of all the physical, mental and spiritual harms that it is causing to you and what effect it will have on you in the future.
• When these urges comes, we advice you to make Wudhu and read Nafl Salaah.

Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Quraan Majeed:

إِنَّ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ تَنۡهَىٰ عَنِ ٱلۡفَحۡشَاۤءِ وَٱلۡمُنكَرِۗ وَلَذِكۡرُ ٱللَّهِ أَكۡبَرُۗ وَٱللَّهُ یَعۡلَمُ مَا تَصۡنَعُونَ

Translation: Surely Salāh restrains one from shameful and evil acts. Indeed the remembrance of Allah is the greatest of all things. And Allah knows what you do

• Before you sleep every night, think about death and the stages after death, we will have to stand before Allah Ta’ala and answer for the actions we have done. What answer will we give to Allah Ta’ala? Insha Allah, this will remove the Ghaflat (heedlessness) from a person.
• Frequent the masjid and the company of pious people. Identify a spiritual guide and benefit from his spirituality.
• Keep yourself occupied at all times. Remember the famous proverb, “An idol mind is a devil’s workshop”
• Daily read Salatul Hajaat and beg Allah Ta’ala to assist you in leaving this sin. The most important thing is that one constantly makes du’aa to Allah Ta’ala as He Alone can help us.
• A practical thing one can do to stop this habit and any other bad habit is that one makes a pact with himself that for each time he commits the sin, he will give a certain amount of money in charity or to the local masjid. However, the amount should be realistic and reasonable.
• Read books on the lives of the Pious. You may also obtain a copy of Qaseedah Burdah by our Honourable Teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb (Hafizahullah), for spiritual upliftment and motivation. You could also access it via the following link: https://daruliftaa.net/qaseeda-burdah/

You state that you feel that you cannot get married. If there is a valid reason why you cannot get married, then an alternative is to keep your stomach empty. When a person is hungry, his desires gets curbed. Therefore try to keep as much Nafl fasts as possible. Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam addressed the youth by saying:

‏ “‏ يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ ‏”‏

Translation:“Oh gathering of youth, those among you who has the ability to get married should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and protects the private parts (from sin); but he who cannot afford it should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the desires.”(Sahih Muslim 3233)

Remember, it is within ones ability to control ones desires. Allah Ta’ala mentions in the Quraan Majeed:

لَا یُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ

Translation: Allah does not obligate anyone beyond his capacity

[Surah Baqarah 286]

Be determined and positive in exercising restraint and Taqwa

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.