Sexual thoughts and how to control them

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuhu.

You say you are a teenager and you imagine yourself having sex. You ask if this is a sin and how to prevent yourself from such thoughts.

Sexual desire is something that has been created in man and it cannot be removed. Allah instilled in us all sexual desires so that we would procreate and have children. Without sexual desire, we would become extinct and so Allah made this the object of human desire.

Sexual desire is a gift from Allah Ta’ala to human beings. However, this desire, just like all other desires, can lead man to destruction if not properly controlled.

In modern society, sexuality is everywhere. It’s like we live in a hypersexualized society. Daily we are bombarded with lustful images. This has the consequence of generating a big amount of sexual energy on any average individual. Even if you try to ignore these types of images, sexual energy will still be generated unconsciously.

If we begin to freely fulfil the lust created, we fall into a downward spiral. Lust leads to sin and sin breaks our relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Gradually we become numb to the consequences of lust, so we think we can lust even more. That is the very nature of lust; an unquenchable thirst for more and more. Unless our desires are handed over to Allah Ta’ala, we will never be satisfied.

Islam does not accept the concept of unchained fulfilment of desire in this world. Rather than submitting to their endless desires, Muslims attempt to surrender their will to Allah Ta’ala.

Islam recognizes the sexual needs of human beings and believes that the natural instincts should be nurtured, not suppressed. Islam aims at teaching its followers not to suppress their sexual urges, rather to fulfil them, but in a responsible way.

Allah Ta’ala guides us through the Quran and Sunnah on ways to manage and fulfil these desires in a dignified and checked manner.

Firstly, marriage. Allah Ta’ala has established marriage as the legitimate means for satisfying sexual desire. In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not.

Marriage increases sustenance, love, respect, selflessness and a sense of responsibility. Through marriage, the couples achieve mutual affection, mercy, and love. Marriage has a huge importance in Islam. Islam has named marriage as a religious duty, commitment, and moral safeguard. This religious duty must be fulfilled. A person who can fulfil his sexual urges lawfully is less distracted in the spiritual journey. Instead of an obstacle, marriage is regarded as an asset in acquiring spiritual perfection. 

Islam emphasizes to not delay in marriage. Sexual desire is aroused in human beings at the age of puberty. Since the sexual urge begins at puberty and Islam says that sexual urge should be fulfilled only through marriage, it has allowed marriage as soon as the boy and the girl reach the age of puberty.

Physical maturity by itself however, is not enough for a person to handle the responsibilities that come with marriage; maturity of mind is equally important. Current day life has become so complicated that a significant gap has appeared between puberty and maturity, both in financial and social affairs.

Physically, today’s youth are maturing earlier than previous generations, but emotionally they are taking much longer to develop adult attachments. For this reason, it is not suitable for boys and girls of this modern age to marry as soon as they become physically mature. A person should get married only when they are ready both mentally, physically and can afford to do so. Marriage is the strongest shield to protect the sexual desire.

Islam is a complete and practical way of life and so it recognises that it may not be suitable for everyone to get married. Shariah has provided guidance for them also, this can be explained in two steps:

1)    Reducing and weakening the things that may provoke desire in a person.

2)    To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting in accordance with one’s desires.

There are several ways to reduce those things which provoke desire in a person, here are a few:

1)     Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at those things which Allah Ta’ala has forbidden. As simple as this may sound, this is a very powerful tool to weaken your desires and get them under control for both married and unmarried people. When you look at the opposite gender and see something that stimulates your desires, that image your eyes captured, is like a seed in your heart. When you remember that image, it is as though you are watering the seed, and it begins to grow. If you can prevent having that image in your mind in the first place, then you prevent those desires from growing. Everything we do has consequences. The one who plays with fire shouldn’t be surprised when he is burnt. Similarly, not controlling the gaze will leave its harms. Remind yourself of the harms and exercise self-restraint.  

2)    Protecting the ears. The eyes and ears are both doorways to the mind and heart. If you allow yourself to partake in desirous talk, your mind will be taken by this and your desires will be provoked. Your ears can be protected by avoiding bad company and mixed environments. In situations where avoiding a mixed environment isn’t possible, one must remain dignified and restrict oneself from unnecessary intermingling with the opposite gender.

3)    Spending time in useful pursuits. We are a product of our thoughts. As the saying goes, ‘The idle mind is the devil’s workshop’. The mind is made for thinking. If it isn’t kept busy with righteous thoughts and useful work, it will inevitably fall into wrong.

Paired with this, we need to strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting in accordance with one’s desires. This can be achieved in a number of ways, here are a few:

1)    Strengthening the faith in one’s heart and strengthening one’s relationship with Allah Ta’ala. Belief strengthens the heart and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation. This may be achieved by remembering Allah Ta’ala, pondering on his favours upon us and how we are indebted to him, and through recitation of the Holy Qur’an.

2)    Fasting. Denying the body of basic needs from dawn till dusk exercises self-control and willpower. Fasting is considered a way of cooling sexual passion. By temporarily depriving the physical body of basic sustenance, a person ideally gains self-control over the appetites, especially carnality.

3)    Meditating. What we think directly influences how we feel and how we behave. Our mind can be our best friend but also our worst enemy. Meditation in general is the act of relaxing and focusing the mind. In Islamic context meditation or muraqabah, refers to focusing on the divine presence of Allah Ta’ala and creating a constant mindfulness of the hereafter.

Without meditation, we can be carried along by various influences without ever contemplating anything. That is a very dangerous way to live. Living like this, we can easily lose our way in life, going wherever the wind blows us rather than directing our life towards Allah Ta’ala.

Adopting meditation as a regular practice can help one extend worship to a constant activity rather than a fleeting moment and can help a person achieve power of mind, body and spiritual growth. The basis of muraqabah is our knowledge that Allah is always watching us. Consequently, we develop greater attention and care for our own actions, thoughts, feelings, and inner states of being.

In conclusion, we are living in a very challenging society. A society designed to stimulate and empower the sexual desires. A society where sexual activity and promiscuity are seen as the norm. In such a society it becomes all the more important for us to wholeheartedly embrace the guidelines given to us by Allah Ta’ala. If we don’t control our desires, they will control us. Islam does not dismiss our desires, it disciplines them.

If even after adopting the guidelines given by Shariah a person continues to gain impermissible sexual thoughts, then a person will be excused, and these thoughts will be forgiven by Allah Ta’ala. However, if the guidelines given by Shariah are not adopted and a person entertains himself with such thoughts, this will be classed a sin and one will be held responsible in the court of Allah Ta’ala[1].

May Allah Ta’ala grant us all the ability to protect our honour and chastity. May Allah Ta’ala save us all from the whispers and traps of the devil. Aameen.

(We further recommend the commentary of ‘Qasida Burda’ authored by Mufti Ebrahim Desai for spiritual upliftment and strengthening to overcome one’s desires. This is available online in audio and also in book form.)

And Allah Ta ‘āla Knows Best

Bayazeed

Student – Darul Iftaa

UK

Checked and approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

18-01-1440 | 18-09-2019

[1] القرآن الكريم

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اعْبُدُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ وَالَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ (البقرة /21)

 يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالاً كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاء وَاتَّقُواْ اللّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءلُونَ بِهِ وَالأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا (النساء /1)

 يُرِيدُ اللّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمْ وَخُلِقَ الإِنسَانُ ضَعِيفًا (النساء /28)

ذَلِكُمُ اللّهُ رَبُّكُمْ لا إِلَـهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ خَالِقُ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ فَاعْبُدُوهُ وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَكِيلٌ (أنعام /102)

 كَالَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ كَانُواْ أَشَدَّ مِنكُمْ قُوَّةً وَأَكْثَرَ أَمْوَالاً وَأَوْلاَدًا فَاسْتَمْتَعُواْ بِخَلاقِهِمْ فَاسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِخَلاَقِكُمْ كَمَا اسْتَمْتَعَ الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ بِخَلاَقِهِمْ وَخُضْتُمْ كَالَّذِي خَاضُواْ أُوْلَـئِكَ حَبِطَتْ أَعْمَالُهُمْ فِي الُّدنْيَا وَالآخِرَةِ وَأُوْلَئِكَ هُمُ الْخَاسِرُونَ (التوبة / 69)

وَابْتَلُواْ الْيَتَامَى حَتَّىَ إِذَا بَلَغُواْ النِّكَاحَ فَإِنْ آنَسْتُم مِّنْهُمْ رُشْدًا فَادْفَعُواْ إِلَيْهِمْ أَمْوَالَهُمْ وَلاَ تَأْكُلُوهَا إِسْرَافًا وَبِدَارًا أَن يَكْبَرُواْ وَمَن كَانَ غَنِيًّا فَلْيَسْتَعْفِفْ وَمَن كَانَ فَقِيرًا فَلْيَأْكُلْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِذَا دَفَعْتُمْ إِلَيْهِمْ أَمْوَالَهُمْ فَأَشْهِدُواْ عَلَيْهِمْ وَكَفَى بِاللّهِ حَسِيبًا (النساء /6)

 وَلَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ مِن سُلَالَةٍ مِّن طِينٍ ثُمَّ جَعَلْنَاهُ نُطْفَةً فِي قَرَارٍ مَّكِينٍ ثُمَّ خَلَقْنَا النُّطْفَةَ عَلَقَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْعَلَقَةَ مُضْغَةً فَخَلَقْنَا الْمُضْغَةَ عِظَامًا فَكَسَوْنَا الْعِظَامَ لَحْمًا ثُمَّ أَنشَأْنَاهُ خَلْقًا آخَرَ فَتَبَارَكَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنُ الْخَالِقِينَ (المؤمنون /12-14)

زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنَ النِّسَاء وَالْبَنِينَ وَالْقَنَاطِيرِ الْمُقَنطَرَةِ مِنَ الذَّهَبِ وَالْفِضَّةِ وَالْخَيْلِ الْمُسَوَّمَةِ وَالأَنْعَامِ وَالْحَرْثِ ذَلِكَ مَتَاعُ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَاللّهُ عِندَهُ حُسْنُ الْمَآبِ (آل عمران /14)

 وَاللّهُ يُرِيدُ أَن يَتُوبَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَيُرِيدُ الَّذِينَ يَتَّبِعُونَ الشَّهَوَاتِ أَن تَمِيلُواْ مَيْلاً عَظِيمًا (النساء /27)

يُرِيدُ اللّهُ لِيُبَيِّنَ لَكُمْ وَيَهْدِيَكُمْ سُنَنَ الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ وَيَتُوبَ عَلَيْكُمْ وَاللّهُ عَلِيمٌ حَكِيمٌ (النساء / 26 )

يُرِيدُ اللّهُ أَن يُخَفِّفَ عَنكُمْ وَخُلِقَ الإِنسَانُ ضَعِيفًا (النساء / 28 )

وَأَنِ احْكُم بَيْنَهُم بِمَآ أَنزَلَ اللّهُ وَلاَ تَتَّبِعْ أَهْوَاءهُمْ وَاحْذَرْهُمْ أَن يَفْتِنُوكَ عَن بَعْضِ مَا أَنزَلَ اللّهُ إِلَيْكَ فَإِن تَوَلَّوْاْ فَاعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يُرِيدُ اللّهُ أَن يُصِيبَهُم بِبَعْضِ ذُنُوبِهِمْ وَإِنَّ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ النَّاسِ لَفَاسِقُونَ (المائدة / 49 )

أَفَمَن كَانَ عَلَى بَيِّنَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّهِ كَمَن زُيِّنَ لَهُ سُوءُ عَمَلِهِ وَاتَّبَعُوا أَهْوَاءهُمْ (محمد / 14)

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ كُونُواْ قَوَّامِينَ بِالْقِسْطِ شُهَدَاء لِلّهِ وَلَوْ عَلَى أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالأَقْرَبِينَ إِن يَكُنْ غَنِيًّا أَوْ فَقِيرًا فَاللّهُ أَوْلَى بِهِمَا فَلاَ تَتَّبِعُواْ الْهَوَى أَن تَعْدِلُواْ وَإِن تَلْوُواْ أَوْ تُعْرِضُواْ فَإِنَّ اللّهَ كَانَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ خَبِيرًا (النساء / 135 )

يَا دَاوُودُ إِنَّا جَعَلْنَاكَ خَلِيفَةً فِي الْأَرْضِ فَاحْكُم بَيْنَ النَّاسِ بِالْحَقِّ وَلَا تَتَّبِعِ الْهَوَى فَيُضِلَّكَ عَن سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَضِلُّونَ عَن سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ بِمَا نَسُوا يَوْمَ الْحِسَابِ (ص / 26 )

وَاللّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَزْوَاجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً وَرَزَقَكُم مِّنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ أَفَبِالْبَاطِلِ يُؤْمِنُونَ وَبِنِعْمَتِ اللّهِ هُمْ يَكْفُرُونَ (النحل / 72)

أَلَمْ تَرَ إِلَى الَّذِينَ يَزْعُمُونَ أَنَّهُمْ آمَنُواْ بِمَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْكَ وَمَا أُنزِلَ مِن قَبْلِكَ يُرِيدُونَ أَن يَتَحَاكَمُواْ إِلَى الطَّاغُوتِ وَقَدْ أُمِرُواْ أَن يَكْفُرُواْ بِهِ وَيُرِيدُ الشَّيْطَانُ أَن يُضِلَّهُمْ ضَلاَلاً بَعِيدًا (النساء / 60)

وَلْيَسْتَعْفِفِ الَّذِينَ لَا يَجِدُونَ نِكَاحًا حَتَّى يُغْنِيَهُمْ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَالَّذِينَ يَبْتَغُونَ الْكِتَابَ مِمَّا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ فَكَاتِبُوهُمْ إِنْ عَلِمْتُمْ فِيهِمْ خَيْرًا وَآتُوهُم مِّن مَّالِ اللَّهِ الَّذِي آتَاكُمْ وَلَا تُكْرِهُوا فَتَيَاتِكُمْ عَلَى الْبِغَاء إِنْ أَرَدْنَ تَحَصُّنًا لِّتَبْتَغُوا عَرَضَ الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَمَن يُكْرِههُّنَّ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ مِن بَعْدِ إِكْرَاهِهِنَّ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ (النور / 33)

و لا تقربوا الزنا انه كان فاحشة و ساء سبيلا (الإسرء / 32)

إِنَّ السَّمْعَ وَالْبَصَرَ وَالْفُؤَادَ كُلُّ أُولَئِكَ كَانَ عَنْهُ مَسْئُولًا (الإسراء / 36 )

وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الأُولَى وَأَقِمْنَ الصَّلاةَ وَآتِينَ الزَّكَاةَ وَأَطِعْنَ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ إِنَّمَا يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ لِيُذْهِبَ عَنكُمُ الرِّجْسَ أَهْلَ الْبَيْتِ وَيُطَهِّرَكُمْ تَطْهِيرًا، وَاذْكُرْنَ مَا يُتْلَى فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ مِنْ آيَاتِ اللَّهِ وَالْحِكْمَةِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ لَطِيفًا خَبِيرًا، إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمَاتِ وَالْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْقَانِتَاتِ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالصَّادِقَاتِ وَالصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّابِرَاتِ وَالْخَاشِعِينَ وَالْخَاشِعَاتِ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقِينَ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقَاتِ وَالصَّائِمِينَ وَالصَّائِمَاتِ وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَاتِ وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا، وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِنٍ وَلا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلالا مُّبِينًا (الأحزاب /33-36)

قُلْ لِّـلۡمُؤۡمِنِيۡنَ يَغُـضُّوۡا مِنۡ اَبۡصَارِهِمۡ وَيَحۡفَظُوۡا فُرُوۡجَهُمۡ ؕ ذٰ لِكَ اَزۡكٰى لَهُمۡ ؕ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ خَبِيۡرٌۢ بِمَا يَصۡنَـعُوۡنَ، وَقُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنَاتِ يَغْضُضْنَ مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِنَّ وَيَحْفَظْنَ فُرُوجَهُنَّ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا مَا ظَهَرَ مِنْهَا ۖ وَلْيَضْرِبْنَ بِخُمُرِهِنَّ عَلَىٰ جُيُوبِهِنَّ ۖ وَلَا يُبْدِينَ زِينَتَهُنَّ إِلَّا لِبُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَائِهِنَّ أَوْ آبَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَائِهِنَّ أَوْ أَبْنَاءِ بُعُولَتِهِنَّ أَوْ إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي إِخْوَانِهِنَّ أَوْ بَنِي أَخَوَاتِهِنَّ أَوْ نِسَائِهِنَّ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُنَّ أَوِ التَّابِعِينَ غَيْرِ أُولِي الْإِرْبَةِ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ أَوِ الطِّفْلِ الَّذِينَ لَمْ يَظْهَرُوا عَلَىٰ عَوْرَاتِ النِّسَاءِ ۖ وَلَا يَضْرِبْنَ بِأَرْجُلِهِنَّ لِيُعْلَمَ مَا يُخْفِينَ مِنْ زِينَتِهِنَّ ۚ وَتُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا أَيُّهَ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ (النور /31-30)

‏‏ بِالْبَيِّنَاتِ وَالزُّبُرِ وَأَنزَلْنَا إِلَيْكَ الذِّكْرَ لِتُبَيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ مَا نُزِّلَ إِلَيْهِمْ وَلَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ (النحل / 44)

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ (الروم / 21)

يُثَبِّتُ اللّهُ الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ بِالْقَوْلِ الثَّابِتِ فِي الْحَيَاةِ الدُّنْيَا وَفِي الآخِرَةِ وَيُضِلُّ اللّهُ الظَّالِمِينَ وَيَفْعَلُ اللّهُ مَا يَشَاء (ابراهيم / 27)

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُواْ كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ (البقرة / 183)

وَأَنَّ هَـذَا صِرَاطِي مُسْتَقِيمًا فَاتَّبِعُوهُ وَلاَ تَتَّبِعُواْ السُّبُلَ فَتَفَرَّقَ بِكُمْ عَن سَبِيلِهِ ذَلِكُمْ وَصَّاكُم بِهِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ (أنعام / 153)

قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاس، مَلِكِ النَّاسِ، إِلَٰهِ النَّاسِ، مِنْ شَرِّ الْوَسْوَاسِ الْخَنَّاسِ، الَّذِي يُوَسْوِسُ فِي صُدُورِ النَّاسِ، مِنَ الْجِنَّةِ وَالنَّاسِ (الناس)

صحيح مسلم (2047)  

حدثنا إسحاق بن منصور، أخبرنا أبو هشام المخزومي، حدثنا وهيب، حدثنا سهيل بن أبي صالح، عن أبيه، عن أبي هريرة، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم، قال: كتب على ابن آدم نصيبه من الزنا، مدرك ذلك لا محالة، فالعينان زناهما النظر، والأذنان زناهما الاستماع، واللسان زناه الكلام، واليد زناها البطش، والرجل زناها الخطا، والقلب يهوى ويتمنى، ويصدق ذلك الفرج ويكذبه

سنن ابي داود (2046)

حَدَّثَنَا عُثْمَانُ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا جَرِيرٌ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، قَالَ إِنِّي لأَمْشِي مَعَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ مَسْعُودٍ بِمِنًى إِذْ لَقِيَهُ عُثْمَانُ فَاسْتَخْلاَهُ فَلَمَّا رَأَى عَبْدُ اللَّهِ أَنْ لَيْسَتْ لَهُ حَاجَةٌ قَالَ لِي تَعَالَ يَا عَلْقَمَةُ فَجِئْتُ فَقَالَ لَهُ عُثْمَانُ أَلاَ نُزَوِّجُكَ يَا أَبَا عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بِجَارِيَةٍ بِكْرٍ لَعَلَّهُ يَرْجِعُ إِلَيْكَ مِنْ نَفْسِكَ مَا كُنْتَ تَعْهَدُ فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ لَئِنْ قُلْتَ ذَاكَ لَقَدْ سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ ‏ “‏ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ مِنْكُمْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ ‏”‏