I’m trying to get married, but my parents take my money

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

I belong to a family of Pakistani culture, I have 3 brothers younger then me, I am 26 years old.. I wanted to get marry to a boy who I chose for myself 4 years back. My mom refused to him just because I knew that boy. Any how I managed to make this relationship official by having an engagement but things still were not going good not between both of us but between our family specially mine.. I am working also and my mom have never gave me my atm card all my money has been taken by her since last 8 years, I have never complained thinking that it is my job to serve my family. I sacrificed my studies, my career my wishes everything for them, now when it’s time that my marriage is next year and my fiance is in Germany and for me to go there I need to have 8000 euros in my back account as my Inlaws also can’t afford this amount for me and my fiancee they said to my family that let them do for me and they will do for them.. But my parents said no, it was my dream to have a grand wedding but my parents said no they don’t have money to do that, my parents have never brought anything for me as a saving not even a single gold set.. But my money was used just to let my brother go for their well education. My marriage got postponed with the fact that my fiancee is not working but I had enough in these 5 years so I took a huge stand and said no i need to marry now enough.. Now when I am convincing my parents to arrange that money for me and not to use my money just this year as they can their son to do that, oh yes my brother is working well but he does not give money in the house just at times when my money is not enough my parents ask him.. They don’t ask him money bcz he need to go to a foreign country to make his future.. Hereby my question is just one is it my job to serve my parents?? What if I be rude and selfish and ask them to give me my card will it be against Islam? Or Islam gives me the permission to fight for my right?? Do I have this right??? It would be great if you can reply me soon.. I am really in a serious problem.. Thank you

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

May Allah Ta’ala give you patience and ability to overcome your difficulties.

We understand from your query that:

  • Your mother has possession of your ATM card and is not willing to return it to you. You enquire about being rude and selfish to get your ATM card back.
  • Your parents are not in support of financing your wedding with your money.
  • While you financially support your family, you have a brother that works but often does not help financially.

 

1.     Allah Ta’ala says in the Quran:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا

Translation “We have enjoined on man, kindness to parents” (al-Ankabut, V. 8)[i],

Allah Ta’ala commands us to treat our parents with kindness. Treatment of your parents demands utmost importance. Your parents have a right over you that you respect and show kindness towards them.

  Approach your mother with kindness and explain your predicament and request her to return the ATM card. If she fails to understand, there are various ways to obtain your ATM card by contacting your bank.

2.     You state your parents are not willing to support your wedding with the money you earn.

We advise that you to identify an influential person whom your parents have confidence in and request him to intervene in resolving the issue.

In principle, if a parent does not have wealth and is unable to work, the children are obligated to provide financial support to the parents. This financial support is whatever is within reasonable means of the child or children. However, if the parents can financially support themselves, the children are not obligated to provide financial assistance for them.[ii]

 

3.     You state that you have a brother who works but often does not help with the financial burdens of the family. In principle, the Nafaqah (financial support) of the parents is on the male and female children. Both of you share equal responsibility of the financial support of your parents.[iii]

 

 

 

 And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Hasan Ahmed Razzak

Student – Darul Iftaa

Paterson, New Jersey, USA

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

 

14-01-1441| 14-09-2019

 

 

 

 


[i]

                                                                                                                                                سورة العنكبوت : 8 

 

[ii]

الإختيار لتعليل المختار لمحمود الموصلي- الرسالة العالمية- ج=3 ص=288

قال و نفقة الآباء والأجداد إذا كانوا فقراء على الأولاد الذكور والإناث وقال تعالى فلا تقلهما اف (ألإسراء :23) نهاه عن الإضرار بهما بهاذا القدر و ترك الإنفاق عليهما عند حاجتهما أكثر إضرارا من ذالك

 

[iii]

الفتاوى الهندية – مكتبة رشيدية – ج=1 ص=564

قال و يجبر الولد الموسر علي نفقة الأبوين المعسرين مسلمين كانا أو ذميين قدرا على الكسب –

واذا إختلطت الذكور والإناث فنفقة الابوين عليهما على اسوية في ظاهر الرواية

 

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