As-salaamu ‘alaykum Thank you for taking the time to read this. My question is can a sister ask for a divorce if her husband is a drug addict and she’s exhausted all options? We have been married a year and two months. I started to notice after we got married that he was an addict. I work in the medical field and can clearly see the sedative look on his face and in his eyes. I know he is high. I started to pick up on the tin foil and empty pens and lighters and the odd sour smell. If find bottles of tramadol and oxy and every time I’d confront be would deny deny deny. I did this for about eight months of just brutal arguing and him blatantly lying to me. He finally said yes there is a problem after many many fights and arguing nights and sleeping in different rooms and calling me many names. So then I tried to get him to seek professional help, and the lord continued. With yes I’m seeing someone, even though he was not. I’d ask to see proof or send me a picture of the office or get the drs card and it was lie after lie. He took up a second job in the evening just so he can get away and do it on his own time and I wouldn’t harass him bout it. Even though I would still ask every day if he had seen someone or made an appt. On the other end I have severe asthma which is now copd they’re thinking and my husband is a smoker. He said he would quit smoking cigs when before we got married. And now he still smokes. I have asked him to also quit… these two things have been a battle for me. I don’t know what else to do now when my health has gotten visibly worse. My lungs, my chest are being affected and my medications have gotten worse. I truly have exhausted every option of trying, speaking to his family, speaking to a sheikh, trying to get through to him. And now I am quiet, I feel like I have nothing left in me. I have nothing more to give because I am drained. All the lies meeting up with a drug dealer and saying he’s done with the drugs and he’ll quit smoking and everything I have had to endure. He won’t even pray with me. I am exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally. I don’t trust him any more he has lied so many times and I can’t be disrespected this much. His wife has severe asthma and I cannot breathe with all the indoor smoking and he seems to not care. I can’t change that, and no one can. His addiction. His habits. I have given it my all I truly have. The lack of trust doesn’t help. My question is after I have given it everything, left to my families also and tried to get a promise have change also didn’t help. Spoke to his family and he even got more upset. Can I ask for a divorce at this point? What can I do now. I have nothing left in me and I cannot live here any more. My condition is only worsening.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of the contents of your email and the challenges you are being faced with. We are deeply disturbed by the account of your turbulent marriage and by your husband’s carless attitude and immoral conduct. It is indeed a great misfortune that you are facing such tragic circumstances in your marriage.
May Allah Ta’ala elevate your status and reward you for your patience.
If what you state about your husband reflects the reality, then it is clear that he is an irresponsible husband. He is guilty of negligence in his marital obligations.
We advise you to discuss your frustration with the seniors of your family, and explain to them what you are going through. Tell them about the behaviour of your husband and how the drug abuse is having a negative impact on your health. They should take the matter up with the seniors of your husband’s family with the hope of amicably resolving the issue.
Allah Ta’ala says:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
Translation: If you fear that the couple may separate, then appoint (with their consent) a mediator from his family and a mediator from her family (because relatives generally have a more thorough knowledge of the situation). If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will create unity between the couple (if this is best for them). Verily Allah is All Knowing, Informed.
(Surah Al-Nisaa, Verse 35)
If after making attempts of reconciliation, they find no solutions to your marriage and that you are being oppressed, you should make istikhara and make a decision accordingly.
Put your trust in Allah and seek strength from him. Du’aa is the weapon of a believer. Implore Allah Ta’ala to change the temperament of your husband and cure him from the addiction of drugs.
May Allah Ta’ala ease your pain and suffering and alleviate the predicament you are faced with. Aameen
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Muhammad I.V Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.