I am here to ask for your opinion and your advice as to what i should do considering my situation.
This has been going on for the past 2 months or so, I feel as though my imaan is nothing but a flicker in my dark heart.
I used to pray 5 times Salaah through the Grace and Mercy of Allah swt but it just randomly stopped. I don’t know what to do as i am jobless currently and i am looking for a job as well as applying. Deep down i feel as though i won’t get a job unless i turn towards Allah swt, this is because deep down in my heart i know that Allah swt is in control of everything and Insaan should put their full tawaakul in Allah swt. Ya Ulama what do i do my heart is so black and filthy yet i feel the pain and emptiness in my heart. My mother is ill but her condition is only worsening and at this time i know myself that i should be reading Salaah and turning towards Allah swt to help my mother and for the sake of my own Akhirah even then i just can’t do it.
I keep telling myself day after day that today will be the day where i start to read Salaah even if it’s at home then over time i will move onto reading at the Masjid with congregation as i used to however it never happens. I am ashamed to admit this disgusting, filthy and shamless habit but i can’t seem to control my carnal desires which makes me feel so inhumane since i resort to Masterbation. I used to go Jamaat and i have been 2 40 Day jamaats one while i was 15 and the other when i was around 17. Alhamduliallah that was through the grace and tawfiq of Allah azawajal.
What do i do, i feel as though my willpower is so weak and i can’t seem to push myself, that one small step towards Allah swt could mean a start of a new path for me but even then…
As of right now i am 18 turning 19 in about a month or so, Ya Ulama i have decent knowledge about my deen yet knowing it i do not practice and act upon what i used to preach during Gascht in my local area and at Jamaat during my time on the Path of Allah swt.
I want to make my mother and father happy but even then i feel so disgusted with myself, feeling completly empty and void. How do i turn this situation around, i feel like such a munafique, the biggest hypocrite alive i know so much considering this day and age. Yet i don’t do anything about it.
My life is fading away second by second in which i should be spending to get closer to Allah swt, doing Amaal, Pleasing my Mother and saving myself from the Punishment of the Grave but even then i make no effort as though i am all talk.
Honestly i don’t know what to do but deep down i very well know what to do… Which is turning towards Allah swt wholeheartedly and repenting for my sins which have completely tainted my heart thus rendering me unable to do Amaal, Pray my farz and anything deen related.
I think about it from time to time, that where did it all go wrong, why can’t i revert my situation and i know myself it’s all my fault, it is not Allah’s fault but only mine.
I want to be able to follow the footsteps of Muhmmad Mustafa SAW taking the correct approach towards everything in dunya, such as Akhlaq, time mangement, halal earnings, control over the tongue, Adaab to elders, restraint over anger and much much more.
Oh Ulama please give me some advice as to how i can change my life completely towards deen again and towards Allah swt, i feel so ashamed of myself so much so i push it at the back of my head to not think about it. That’s how selfish i’ve become and ignorant. So many bad qualities but close to nothing good…
May Allah Swt grant you Janaat-tul-Firdaus and May Allah swt make it easy for you in the Duny and Aakhirah. I hope you get back to me as i am really in need of your wise words and advice.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Dear brother in Islam.
The mere fact that you have a yearning to turn to Allah Ta’āla is a sign of your Imaan. You said that you have spent forty days in Jamaat twice. That is a noble achievement.
If a person falls over, he does not stay on the ground forever. He picks himself up, cleans the dirt off his hands and clothes and then treads the path carefully so he does not fall again.
In the same way, if one trips up and commits a sin, he should not dwell on it too much and lose hope in the mercy of Allah Ta’āla. He should pick himself up and clean himself from the dirt of sin. This is done by doing istighfar and repenting to Allah Ta’āla. Thereafter one should carefully adopt practical means so as not to fall into the sin again.
Dwell on the following verse of the Quran where Allah Ta’āla says:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِهِمْ لا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللهِ إِنَّ اللهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ[1]
“Say, “Oh servants of Mine, who have wronged themselves, never lose hope in the mercy of Allah. Verily, Allah forgives all sins. No doubt, he is the All-Forgiving, the All-Merciful.” (Zumar: 53)
Focus on the Akihirah and what status you can attain by Allah Ta’āla. Consider that Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has told us that one of the groups of people that will be under the shade of Allah Ta’āla on the Day of Judgement will be a young person who grew up in the worship of Allah Ta’āla.[2] You are a young man, you have the opportunity to be amongst those in the shade of Allah.
Turn to Allah Ta’āla through sincere tawbah and istighfar. Make a firm intention that from today you will stop committing sins and will be punctual in attending the Masjid for all your Salahs. Make an effort in attending the a’maal of the masjid such as Gusht and go out into Jamaat regularly whenever you have the opportunity.
Also you may listen to the discourses of Hazrat Mufti Ebrahim Desai Sahib (hafidhahullah). The discourses are about the renowned poem Qaseedah Burdah and on how to build the love of Allah Ta’āla and his Rasul (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) in ourselves.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mizanur Rahman
Student, Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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[1] القرآن الكريم [الزمر: 53]
[2] صحيح البخاري، أبو عبدالله محمد بن إسماعيل الجعفي البخاري (المتوفى: 256هـ)، دار طوق النجاة، بيروت، لبنان (1/ 133)
حدثنا محمد بن بشار بندار، قال: حدثنا يحيى، عن عبيد الله، قال: حدثني خبيب بن عبد الرحمن، عن حفص بن عاصم، عن أبي هريرة، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: ” سبعة يظلهم الله في ظله، يوم لا ظل إلا ظله: الإمام العادل، وشاب نشأ في عبادة ربه، ورجل قلبه معلق في المساجد، ورجلان تحابا في الله اجتمعا عليه وتفرقا عليه، ورجل طلبته امرأة ذات منصب وجمال، فقال: إني أخاف الله، ورجل تصدق، أخفى حتى لا تعلم شماله ما تنفق يمينه، ورجل ذكر الله خاليا ففاضت عيناه “