Asalam, I wanted to know how to deal with a father who is a Maulana, but he lies alot at home and backbites extremely. My father is a maulana but ive seen his actions at home that make me lose respect for him as a father and maulana. He talks bad of my mother and backbites alot about her and he also only listens to my brothers wife which is my mothers niece. My mothers niece is a Alima but she also lies and backbites and her whole fanily is known for doing blck magic at home, im afraid she has done something to my father and brother ever since she was married. My father only listens to her and tells her everyones secrets. He speaks to hee in private and whispers but does not realize he is being heard. I cannot trust my father anymore and it hurts me. He has caused many fights in our family, he has stopped my brothers and sisters from meeting each other, he tells them to not talk to each other and that its for the best, instead of sitting down and resolving the problem he runs away from it and says ro just stop talking. I dont understand how he could be a maulana and do such things it hurts me tremendously. Plz help shukran
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You enquire how should you deal with your father who is a Moulana and his conduct is not in conformity to his status. You have to distinguish between the status of a father and he being a Moulana with a bad conduct.
Shariah has emphasised to be kind and humble to one’s father.
Allah Ta’ālā says,
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا. وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا.
“Your Sustainer has ordained that you do not worship but him and that you show kindness to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your life, do not say to them: ‘Ugh!’ nor scold them. Rather, speak to them with respect. Lower before them the wing of humility out of tenderness and say: ‘O Sustainer! Show mercy to them as they reared me when I was little.’ الإسراء: 23، 24
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئاً وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَاناً وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنْبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ
“Worship Allah and join none with him (in worship), and do good to parents, kinfolk, orphans, poor, (the) neighbour who is near of kin, (the) neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side, the way farer (you meet) and those (slaves) whom your right hands possess” النساء: 36
If what you state about the conduct of your father is true, then that is unfortunate. A wrong cannot be right irrespective of who commits the wrong. While you display respect and kindness to your father, you should resent the wrong committed by him. When you get the opportunity to express your concerns about his conduct, you should do so with utmost humility.
You may consider discussing your concerns with some of your father’s colleagues who has influence on him and assist him to correct his conduct.
In the meantime, perform Salatul Haajah every day and make dua to Allah to your father’s conduct bring love and harmony in the family.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Huzaifah Deedat
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.