My husband and I have been having marital issues for quite some time now. However, for the past 3 months, they’ve just gotten so worse. I found my husband masturbating about a month ago. I was waiting for him while he went out to smoke. Three hours passed and he still hadn’t come home. I went outside to check on him and found him masturbating. He told me he had been doing so for a couple of weeks. I fear its been longer than that. The intimate aspect of our relationship had been lacking for quite some it. It was mostly my fault. Due to stress caused by issues between our family and my general lack of self-esteem, I hadn’t made myself as available to him as I should’ve. Ever since I caught him masturbating, I’ve been working really hard on myself. I’ve made myself as physically available to him as I possibly can. I take better care of myself. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight. However, he’s still unable to get intimate with me. I’m afraid it’s because he’s gotten so used to the haram that he’s not able to get intimate with me anymore, possibly because I’m halal. I’m really tired of trying. I’m tired of trying to fix my marriage. Each time something happens, I try to remind myself to hang in there for the sake of Allah. To make it work. And I really don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want to leave him. I DO love him. But I don’t know how to handle this. It hurts me. Hurts my self-esteem further and makes me seek attention. Alhumdulillah I haven’t acted upon that. But it’s a scary thought nonetheless. Please help.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We are sad to note the contents of your email.
May Allah change your husband’s ways and bring about peace and love between yourselves. Aameen.
You refer to having marital problems.
We advise you to identify a person in whom you have confidence and is aware of your marital issues. Explain the situation to that person and seek hisher counsel on the best source of action. Adopt all possible and appropriate means to address the issue.
We also advise you read Salaatul-Haajah (i.e. Salaah performed for a certain need) every day and make dua to Allah.
Fatwa 19493 explains the procedure of Salaatul-Haajah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Muhammed Al-Ameen Bin Moulana Ismail Akoo
Student Darul Iftaa
Newcastle; KZN, South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.