Asalamu Alaikum,
If a husband is not doing things important to the wife such as he hides things, doesn’t talk to her that much, always choosing friends over her or doing things to upset the wife even if its not haraam but she has mentioned she doesn’t like something, then must he change his behhaviour to that which she likes and is important to her? Does she have to sleep with him every night whenever he wants her physically even if she’s feeling upset at him anxious because he hides things, and is mean towards her? If he breaks a promise, does she still have to fulfill his sexual desires even if she would hate to because he is neglecting her? Please let me know. Is a husband allowed to hide things from his wife such as who gets hanging out with and where he’s going? If he hides stuff and neglects her wishes, does a wife still have to have intercourse with her husband whenever he asks even if she’s being treated with unfairness? Jazack Allah khair.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You have raised many issues about the husband in reference. We do not know the reason for the husband’s attitude in reference.
However, in general, if a wife disapproves the attitude and conduct of the husband, she should approach him with wisdom and get him to discuss the issue.
It is possible the wife may be the actual cause of his attitude. If that is the case, she should make adjustments to make him comfortable.
The husband too must be fair and open in his approach to his wife. He should avoid any such conduct that leads to anxiety and suspicion in her.
The success of a marriage is the happiness of one’s spouse. [1]
If both spouses adopt that attitude, the marriage will be a bond of love (Ra’fa) and mercy (Rahma).
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Saad Haque
Student Darul Iftaa
New Jersey, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[1] Allah says,
وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
“Treat them (your wives) with kindness” (Quran 4:19)
جامع الترمذي ١١٦٢
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْعَلاَءِ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَةُ بْنُ سُلَيْمَانَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ أَكْمَلُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ إِيمَانًا أَحْسَنُهُمْ خُلُقًا وَخِيَارُكُمْ خِيَارُكُمْ لِنِسَائِهِمْ خُلُقًا ” . قَالَ وَفِي الْبَابِ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ وَابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى حَدِيثُ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.”
جامع الترمذي ١١٦١
حَدَّثَنَا وَاصِلُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الأَعْلَى الْكُوفِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ فُضَيْلٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ أَبِي نَصْرٍ، عَنْ مُسَاوِرٍ الْحِمْيَرِيِّ، عَنْ أُمِّهِ، عَنْ أُمِّ سَلَمَةَ، قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ أَيُّمَا امْرَأَةٍ مَاتَتْ وَزَوْجُهَا عَنْهَا رَاضٍ دَخَلَتِ الْجَنَّةَ ” . قَالَ أَبُو عِيسَى هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ غَرِيبٌ .
Rasulullah (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “Whichever woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, then she enters Paradise.”