Is it ok to not want to have children at all? My husband and I are both scared to have children in todays times as we fear loss and the bad times regarding murder and kidnapping. we are petrified of losing a child. Also is it ok to nt want to have children for selfish reasons such as wanting a career first and then settling down with children?
Answer
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatoh
Jazak Allah for approaching our institution.
Children are an immense blessing from Allah. Every child that is born is sent with his destiny. It is not in the hands of parents or anyone else to dictate what calamities will befall him and what his end will be. These matters belong to the hikmah (Wisdom) of Allah.
We should realize and accept the fact that Allah is All Powerful and has command over every aspect of this life and beyond. Nothing from the harms of this life should let us deter from that belief. If we worry today to such an extent about the wellbeing of the children that have not yet been blessed to us, then it only demands from us that we worry of our wellbeing even more. But how far can we go with such worrying. Would we stop ourselves from interacting with the World just so that we can worry about our well being. When we find that we have lived so far in the very same world, with all the same dangers, all through Mercy and Fadhl of Allah, then will not that very same Allah also be merciful on our children? Do we not realize that Allah loves and cares for our children more than us as mothers and fathers? Allah says in the Quraan that no soul is taken to task for more then what it can undertake. We should let these matter of Hikmah rest in hands of Allah, as Allah is most Wise.
Think of many mothers who are begging Allah for such blessings and have not been granted a child. If Allah blesses you with an offspring, be grateful and cherish it. Prostrate to Him in whose command all these actions are. Ask Him to ensure the safe and saleh upbringing of your children.
With regards to your question about career and having children, what needs to be borne in mind is that it is not in our hands to decide who will have a child and when. Allah created Nabi Isa alayhisalam without a father, and Nabi Adam alayhisalam without any father or mother. Allah created a live camel out of stone for the people of Saleh alayhisalan. Then how hard is it for that Being to create an offspring, against the wishes of a mother or father? If that is understood then we can only ask Allah for a pious and Saleh offspring.
On a more fiqhi point of view, contraception is not permissible for the reason of family planning. There are specific criteria for using contraception. Please search our database on the website for that.
And Allah knows best
Wassalam
Imran Hatia
Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In’aamiyyah
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