Assalaam u alaikum.
I have brought forth a suitor who is Muslim but of a different ethnicity. My parents have known of him for 4 years, and at the time they told us we could marry when we completed college. Having completed and upon bringing up the topic again, they put forth another stipulation. I feel that they will continue to drag their feet in hopes of getting me to change my mind and marry someone they choose. They’ve done such things before (I was told I could change my degree after a series of stipulations but in the end was stuck in what they wanted).
Every time I raise the topic they admonish me and make me feel bad by saying things like how they have to go through the trouble of telling other family members that I am marrying outside our community. I am 26 years old and at a loss. I have always done as they’ve asked even if I myself did not want to do it, but this is not a situation where I can agree with them. I feel they will emotionally pressure me into marrying someone they want. I have been praying day and night, making extra duas, extra salaat. Please help me understand what I can do. I am losing hope.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of the contents in your email.
You know your parents better. You were born to them and raised by them. You have repeatedly experienced their love and care for you. Till now, they made choices in life for you for whatever they felt was best for you. We advise you trust the love of your parents for you and understand that their decisions for you are motivated by their love and concern for you.
The decision to marry requires maturity and insight. Your parents have matured with their experiences of life and have insight on issues beyond the surface.
However, if you feel disadvantaged by their attitude and conduct, identify an influential person in the family and confide in the person who will communicate your concerns and feelings to your parents. That, we hope will make them change their attitude or at least explain to you the reasons for their attitude.
While emotions play an important role in choosing a marriage partner, do not ignore your rationale in making a decision. It is also important to consider the opinions of your seniors and also make istikharah. The guidance of Allah is the best guidance.
We make dua Allah Taala grants you peace and happiness and grant you a compatible marriage partner. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.