Assalamu Alaykum. I’m a 18 year old boy and from the age of 15 till 17 I had a haram relationship with a girl. We talked every day and up until about 9 months ago, I realized the seriousness of this sin. The girl was pious in some ways but not in others.
It was actually her who ended our relationship for the fear of Allah. From that moment, I turned my life round and stopped doing every sin, Im now always making a very strong effort on my iman but I feel, I loved this girl but realised that this was the work of shaitan in my mind. But back when we talked, we showed our interest in getting married to each other.
She is pious in some ways: she teaches Quran to children, She is the one to end the relationship ,Prays 5 time salah. The problem is, although ending our relationship, she still talks to many boys unnecessarily, and I really feel like she has feelings for one or maybe two other boys, despite saying she loves me. I don’t plan on getting married instantly but if I were to get married soon, should I consider her? I keep thinking that she will secretly still like them. I don’t know what to do. I really like her, but im really bothered that she doesn’t stop these ‘friendships’ with these other boys and may not even love me. I know its too early to think about marriage for me, but the thing is I can’t stop thinking about her. Sometimes I feel really happy about marrying her and feel like it would be a good idea. But then later on I feel the opposite feelings and somewhat hate her. I don’t know what to do? I’ve always pictured myself marrying her. I shall wait patiently for your response. JazakhAllah
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
When searching for a solution to a problem, it is most crucial to determine the cause of the problem. If one experiences serious headaches and continues taking tablets, the pain may recur if the cause of the pain is sinus or diabetes or blood pressure. In that instance, the cause of the headache has to be treated.
You are young. You don’t wish getting married now. You are in the prime of your youth and busy developing yourself. Shaitan has misled you to the girl in reference and trapped your mind with her. The girl has left you and you still think of her. You are following her and her possible inclinations with other boys. This is clearly a plot of the Shaitan to distract you from your focus and objective of life. Understand the tricks and traps of Shaitan and cut yourself out completely from this girl. Her thoughts will fade away over time.
Make sincere Taubah to Allah for the wrong contact with the girl & the consequences. Focus on your studies and adopt Taqwa & Piety. Join the pious people of your area and engage yourself in some useful & beneficial activities.
When it is time for you to marry, search for a suitable spouse at that time. This attitude will liberate you from the jail of thoughts you are presently imprisoned in.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Bilal Issak
Student Darul Iftaa
Leicester, England, UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
رد المحتار لإبن عابدين (d.1252 AH) (20/3) دار الثقافة
وفي الكافي ولا تلبي جهرا لأن صوتها عورة ومشى عليه في المحيط في باب الأذان بحر قال في الفتح وعلى هذا لو قيل إذا جهرت بالقراءة في الصلاة فسدت كان متجها ولهذا منعها عليه الصلاة والسلام من التسبيح بالصوت لإعلام الإمام بسهوه إلى التصفيق اهـ وأقره البرهان الحلبي في شرح المنية الكبير وكذا في الإمداد ثم نقل عن خط العلامة المقدسي ذكر الإمام أبو العباس القرطبي في كتابه في السماع ولا يظن من لا فطنة عنده أنا إذا قلنا صوت المرأة عورة أنا نريد بذلك كلامها لأن ذلك ليس بصحيح فإذا نجيز الكلام مع النساء للأجانب ومحاورتهن عند الحاجة إلى ذلك ولا نجيز لهن رفع أصواتهن ولا تمطيطها ولا تليينها وتقطيعها لما في ذلك من استمالة الرجال إليهن وتحريك الشهوات منهم ومن هذا لم يجز أن تؤذن المرأة اهـ قلت ويشير إلى هذا تعبير النوازل بالنغمة