I had a marriage purposal a month ago, I was hesitant at first thinking I wasnt ready, however I was told they are a very nice, small, pious family. I then decided from this that I would see the boy.
However 2 weeks before they were due to come I was told by my sister that the middle lady who asked for me had ties to witchcraft, I was told that by my sis as I agreed to see the boy see him and then say no, my other sister said if I liked him she would find out more.
The day came for me to see the boy, I was extremely nervous however when they turned up all my fears and anxiousness went away. I saw the boy as he got out of the car and my first thought was that he looked quite tall and masculine looking.
When I talked to him he was very open, talkative and at first I thought his answers were quite open now I realise maybe he felt at ease talking to me and I was too harsh thinking what I thought. He made me feel at ease, had deen and a job too. However I had a mentality that I wanted someone with a good job and a car, he was driving a company car and his job I didn’t think was good enough at the time. I was quite unsure, if I even liked him as his job meant so much to me then that I didnt really focus on that much and I asked my family, my dad very happy with the family. I waited till the boy’s side gave the answer which was a yes. I was still really unsure, my two sisters said we wouldn’t match and my dad confirmed the witchcraft stuff was untrue. I however didn’t do istikarah and I assumed that it wouldn’t help. My dad rang and said my answer no.
Since my dad rang I have regretted this answer, I wish now that I did istikarah and gave it a lot more thought. I also googled the job and it’s not as bad as I thought it was this to has changed my mind. I have been pondering over this and now realise a job isn’t everything and I should have done istikarah for guidance. I fear that now I didn’t do istikarah and I was so demanding about his job that Allah will punish me for this, I am scared that I might find someone else who has a good job but doesn’t have no savings and all I cared about before was the boy having a good job. I also fear that I will compare what I could of had if I married him to when I marry someone else. I regret this now, I have turned to Allah and realised the mistake I have made and how shallow I was and pray that Allah forgives me, but there is a lump in my throat and I feel a pain in my heart for rejecting such a decent person. I do even think that maybe we should contact the family and see if they allow another meeting however I am told I will ruin my own name as well as my family’s.
Please advise me.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam said:
فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّيْن
“Choose the one who is religiously committed”
When choosing a spouse, one should place a closer attention to the piety of the prospective spouse.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam also said:
إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنِّ فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيْث
“Avoid suspicion, for suspicion is the most false form of talk”
Assuming that someone is involved in witchcraft based on a rumour is incorrect.
However, you have realised that your judgement was not appropriate and have repented to Allah Ta’ala.
If you feel that this boy is worth reconsidering, you should ask your family to arrange a meeting again so that you may reconsider. There is nothing wrong with doing so with dignity and honour.
You acknowledge and regret the irrational judgement that you have made. Insha’Allah, Allah will provide you with another opportunity.
We pray to Allah Ta’ala that He grant you ease.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Maaz Chati
Student Darul Iftaa
Blackburn, England, UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
صحيح البخاري (7/7) دار طوق النجاة
صحيح البخاري (4/4) دار طوق النجاة
جب اس آدمي نے جادو نہیں کیا ہے تو اس پر یہ الزام لگانا بلا دلیل ہے جو تہمت ہے اور حرام ہے قرآن مجید میں باري تعالی کا ارشاد ہے والذين يؤذون المؤمنين والمؤمنات بغير ما اكتسبوا فقد احتملوا بهتانا وإثما مبينا باري تعالی کا ارشاد ہے ولا تقف ما ليس لك به علم إن السمع والبصر والفؤاد كل أولئك كان عنه مسئولا اسي آیت کي تفسیر میں حضرت مولانا مفتي محمد شفیع صاحب تفسیر قرطبي اور تفسیر مظہري کے حوالہ سے تحریر فرماتے ہیں کہ “جس شخص نے بے تحقیق مثلا کسي شخص پر کوئي الزام لگایا اور بلا تحقیق کسي بات پر عمل کیا اگر وہ ایسي چیز سے متعلق ہے جو کان سے سني جاتي ہے تو کان سے سوال ہوگا اور آنکھ سے دیکھنے کي چیز ہے تو آنکھ سے اور دل سے سمجھنے کي چیز ہے تو دل سے سوال ہوگا کہ یہ شخص اپنے دل میں جماۓ ہوۓ خیال میں سچا ہے یا جھوٹا؟ اس پر انسان کے اعضاء خود شہادت دیں گے جو حشر کے میدان میں بے تحقیق الزام لگانے والے اور بے تحقیق باتوں پر عمل کرنے والے کے لۓ بڑي رسوائي کا سبب بنے گا
محمود الفتاوی (708/5) مکتبہ محمودیۃ