My question pertains atoning for the sins of drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, and acts close to zinah. I have done many wrongs over the years but never gave up my iman. I just want to know how to get back to Allah and clear my heart from blackness. I have tried so many things such as fasting, performing ihtikaf in Ramadan, and doing murakkabah in Majlis. I’m afraid to ask my sheikh out of shyness and embarrassment. Alhamdulillah I finally am seeing the clear path again and want to make sure I don’t go back to those sins. How can I make up for the past sins and ensure they don’t happen again, InshaAllah.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Imaan is the strongest support for a believer. It is the barakah of your Imaan that you resent the wrongs you have committed and wish to reform. May Allah Taala strengthen your Imaan even more to the point that you reform and gain the closeness of Allah Taala.
You state you have a potential guide but feel shy to discuss your weakness to him. You have adopted a spiritual guide to reform yourself and help you in the path of spirituality. Your spiritual guide is not meant only to be a senior figure in your life. If you have a physical illness and adopted a doctor, you would confide in him on every sickness even though the sickness may be in sensitive places. Your purpose is to cure yourself. It makes no sense to adopt a doctor and not tell him of your sickness. If you have a spiritual guide, you should confide in him and seek his wise counsel. Reading Salah, making itikaf etc. are beneficial. However, they may not be specific remedies for your cures. Your spiritual guide will prescribe specific and spiritual medication for you.
Your attitude of being hopeful is positive. Maintain that attitude and progress in changing and reforming your life.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.