I’m a 20 year old female I got married months ago to a 26year old but I’m so unhappy in my relationship. Before marriage I didn’t really know my husband but he is my cousin. I wanted my marriage to be as halal as possible, wanted to please Allah. We were together for one month after marriage and he left for a different country. It has been 5 months now, almost six since he left. He got a job and is trying to get me a visa to go live with him but Before getting married he made sure to convince me that he would never leave, and that if he tried to go I should hold him back but yeah, he ended up leaving cause of certain reasons. And even after leaving he promised he would be back in less than 2 months, but here we are. 5 months and still counting and when I ask if he plans on coming to see me he says ‘I’m not coming there’.
After a month or two he started acting so different now we can go weeks without communicating with each other. He doesn’t want to accept my Facebook or Instagram request. He is so rude he tells me ‘it’s none of your business’ every time I ask about anything. He lied about so many things and put up a very beautiful act of his behavior and his deen as well. But since we got married he Is a different person completely. He says he’s busy with work but he’s always online and still cannot contact me. I tried so much to keep contact with him but he only replies occasionally, and ignores most of the times. I heard he has a kid but before marriage he denied every sort of accusation and of course, I believed him. But I’ve been really struggling with myself trying to be patient and to hold on but wallahi I don’t think I can take anymore.
He’s very bad to me. Can I give him a divorce? Can I divorce him? I’m so unhappy I cry all the time I’m so tired of living like this. I’m out of patience with him I love him so much but he doesn’t feel the same for me and I can only assume he’s cheating because of his behaviors towards me. I’m still young and I’m afraid if I keep holding on it will get worse later. Please help me
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
We understand your pain and agony. You are newly married and you expect to be with your husband to express your love and receive love. It appears your husband is experiencing difficulties in obtaining a visa for you. It is possible that his attitude towards you is due to your negative attitude towards him. It is normal for a man to avoid his wife in such circumstances. That does not mean he does not love you. It is also incorrect to assume he is cheating on you. Change your attitude and communicate with him in a positive and assuring way. Give him love and care. He will value you and endeavour to be with you sooner.
You state you love your husband. Your request for divorce is thus an expression of your anger and frustration.
Furthermore, marriage comes with sacrifices. Patience and tolerance are most important to overcome the challenges of a marriage. We advise you to contain yourself and change your attitude towards your husband. He will look forward to talking to you more and even being with you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Abdullah ibn Mohammed Aijaz
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.