I am facing a dilema regarding getting my relationship with my uncle and his family straight.
My uncle fought with my mom for years for a small reason and after that things went so bad that they aren’t on talkingterms since then.
Since we were kids we didn’t have any say and had to stop interacting with our cousins, who we were very close with.
Next my uncle went for Haj neither my mother nor my uncle approached each other to resolve things before leaving. Then few years ago my mom went for haj, we convinced her to meet my uncle and resolve things. After much reluctance she agreed and went to meet him. My uncle continued the old attitude and insulted my dad and my mom. She was very hurt from that incident. After that their hearts became even more thick. The egos kicked in hard after that. All this while I too wasn’t on talking terms with my cousins.
Suddenly 2 years ago they called me and talked about the issues between our parents and we agreed that we should go back to what we were as kids not letting our parents issues come between us. So we started our cordial relationship and once i went to chicago and spent a weekend with them.
My mom who was in India felt hurt that i met them even though their fatherinsulted her. I think I was right in meeting them to bridge the gaps in the heart. But my mom did not talk to me for 1 month.Next my mom and my uncle both were in …. so me and my cousin tried convincing them to meet and resolve everything but they didn’t agree. Because of this my mom thinks that i don’t stand for her honor.
Next my cousin was getting married in india so my uncle called my mom on the day ofmarriage and invited her for the sake of doing so. We still asked her to take the lead and go, she didn’t.Now my cousin sister is gettingmarried in US they invited me to the wedding. My parents are expecting me not to go as they think it will give an impression that they are wrong. Advice please, what should I do? I want to end this.
Looking forward to a response.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātu
Your attitude to unite the family and maintain family ties is commendable.
However in doing so, it is important to consider the far reaching consequences of one’s actions. If one does not consider the far reaching consequences of one’s actions, that may escalate the problem.
In your situation, it would have been better to confine your relationship through the phone. Your personal meeting with them may have added salt to the wounds of your mother, thus narrowing the road to reconciliation.
Your uncle seems to understand you. It may be an idea to advise him to assist you in healing your mother’s wounds by apologising to her. If your uncle is sincere, he would not find this difficult to do. He would put family unity in front of him. The apology may bring closure to the past wounds and help the cause of unity. In dealing with such mess, it is also important to consider human feelings in order to practise on Shariah.
And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best
Jibran Kadarkhan
Student Dārul Iftā
Mauritius
Checked and Approved by:
Mufti Ebrahim Desai