Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam
Question: I have a boyfriend.
We have transgressed some limits and I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to tell him that I have decided to marry him or to stop having contact.
But I have learned that transgressing limits before marriage takes all the baraka away that comes with marriage.
Now I am afraid to marry him and then have a bad marriage because of lack of baraka.
Is there a way to get some baraka since i really love him and except for our mistakes he is a really good man?Or should I just break up and forget him?
Answer: Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray that you are in the best of health and faith, insha’Allah.
No, you can still marry him and have a blessed marriage, insha’Allah.
Allah Most High says, “Say, ‘[God says], My servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [39.53]
The key to blessedness and success is constant repentance and turning to Allah. Repentance has three conditions: to leave the sin, remorse over having committed it, and to resolve never to return to it. If you have made a mistake, pray the Prayer of Repentance (salat al-tawba) [see: Prayer of Repentance: Salat al-Tawba]
Allah Most High says, “You who believe, seek help through steadfastness and prayer, for God is with the steadfast.” [2.153]
Repent from all sin, decide if you are fully compatible with each other, and then pray the Prayer of Seeking Guidance (salat al-istikhara). [see: The Reality of Istikhara] If you decide to marry him, tactfully minimize all unnecessary contact and pray the Prayer of Need (salat al-hajah) regularly. [see: How Does One Perform The Prayer Of Need (salat al-haja)?]
Ibn `Ata’illah said in one of his aphorisms, “Whosoever’s beginning is illuminated, their ending is illuminated.”
I’d consider taking this class: Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life
See: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance) and: Islamic Marriage- Intiating and Upholding
wassalam,
Tabraze Azam
Checked & Approved by Faraz Rabbani