What Should I Do After Raising My Voice Against My Parents?

Answered by Ustadh Tabraze Azam

Question: As salam alaikum

If one raises their voice in the heat of the moment against their parents or other elders, are they required to seek forgiveness directly from the individual? What if one was making a valid point but by seeking forgiveness, their point is diminished or even dismissed?

Answer:Wa alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,

Generally, if you hurt another person in some way, it is proper that you ask to be excused for your mistake. This applies more seriously with respect to parents because of the duty to do good to them. Hypothetically, if voices need to be raised to make a point, you should consider (a) the actual need in making the point, (b) the soundness of it, and (c) if it can be made in a more reasonable and positive way. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness in all matters.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Consider taking the following free class: The Rights of Parents

And please also see: How Can I Be a Dutiful Son While Maintaining Independence from Controlling Parents? and: When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How? and: A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)

And Allah Most High alone knows best.

wassalam,
[Ustadh] Tabraze Azam

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadh Tabraze Azam was born and raised in Ipswich, England, a quiet town close to the east coast of England. His journey for seeking sacred knowledge began when he privately memorized the entire Qur’an in his hometown at the age of 16. He also had his first experience in leading the tarawih (nightly-Ramadan) prayers at his local mosque. Year after year he would continue this unique return to reciting the entire Quran in one blessed month both in his homeland, the UK, and also in the blessed lands of Shaam, where he now lives, studies and teaches.