I Feel So Guilty About Having a Girlfriend. How Can I Get Through This?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I was immature and got a girlfriend and then broke up after many years. I feel so guilty, as I wasted her time, dragged her along for nothing and increased her sins.

What dua can I read to help her and me get through it? Is it permissible for me to have water pumps installed in her name, so her sins can be reduced?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out clarity on this issue.

Repentance

May Allah reward you for giving up that which displeases Him. May He bless you with a tranquil marriage when the time is right.

It would be better for you to have a clean break from this young woman. Please do not contact her, even if it is to think of ways to help her feel better. I advise against having water pumps installed in her name, as this is a sign that your heart is still connected to her. Preoccupy your heart with Allah. Concern yourself with the state of your heart.

Every time you think of her, please seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan, and make copious istighfar. For the sake of your heart, and hers, please leave this chapter of your life behind. Feeling guilt is a good sign, but try not to let it overwhelm you.

Accountability

Both of you had a role to play in your sin. She chose to sin with you, out of her own free will and, inshaAllah, Allah will grant her the means to heal. Trust in the Mercy of your Lord.

Moving forward

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that: The Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “Whoever wishes that Allah would respond to him during hardship and grief, then let him supplicate plentifully when at ease.” [Tirmidhi]

Please read Ayat al-Kursi every day and ask Allah to lift this burden from your heart. I recommend that you perform the Prayer of Need in the last third of the night and ask Allah to help you through this. Increase in your acts of worship, and give in charity.

Please look after yourself during this time. Heartbreak is among the most painful experiences in this dunya, but trust that this too shall past.

“They talk of short-lived pleasures: Be it so: pain dies as quickly, and lets her weary prisoner go; the fiercest agonies have shortest reign.”—William Cullen Bryant.

Please see:

A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long

Wassalam,
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers through Qibla Academy and SeekersHub Global. She also graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales.