I Want to Marry Someone Despite My Family’s Opposition. Should I Move On?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I was involved in an affair during college, but have cut off contact with her and repented as my parents are against a marriage due to the social status of her family. I still want to marry her as I cannot forget her. I am praying for that. Should I move on?

Answer:Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out an answer which pleases Him.

Istikhara

Please perform the Prayer of Guidance up til seven times about whether or not to pursue marriage with this young woman. Observe what Allah opens for you. If He softens your parents’ hearts and makes them accept her, then that is a sign for you to pursue marriage to her. If their hearts remain closed off to her, than that is a sign for you to move forward.

Dua

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “The slave will be answered so long as his du’a does not entail sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said, “When he says, ‘I made du’a and I made du’a, yet I have not seen any response,’ so he gets frustrated and stops making du’a.” [Muslim]

Please be honest with yourself, because Allah does answer all of our duas, but it may not always be to our liking. Everything from Allah is good, but we often lack the wisdom to see that.

Contentment

It sounds that you are still in love with her. May Allah grant you contentment with His Decree. Trust that if He has blocked off this door, then He will open a better one for you. Beg Allah to heal your heartbreak, and to help you move forward and leave this chapter of your life behind. I encourage you to perform the Prayer of Need.

Trust that Allah can lift all pain and sadness, even when your heartbreak feels unbearable. Continue to do things that nourish your soul, and strive to have a good opinion of your Creator.

Marriage

When registration reopens, I strongly encourage you to enrol in Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life.

It is far, far easier to marry with your family’s blessings, than it is to marry without. Think about the long-term ramifications. It takes more than love for a marriage to work. That being said, if Allah has written that you and this young woman are to be married, then nothing in creation can change His Decree. Please refer to this: What to Do When My Parents Reject My Choice of Spouse Because of Cultural Reasons?

I pray that Allah accepts your repentance, turns your bad deeds into good deeds, and blesses you with the gift of marriage.

Please see:
Can I Marry Without My Parents’ Consent?
When Love is Not Enough: Reassessing Marriage in the Muslim Community – Mental Health 4 Muslims Blog
Why Doesn’t Allah Answer My Supplications?
Some Prophetic Supplications for Difficulty and Distress
A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: jwltr freiburg