Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: I am emotionally involved with a man. Even though we do not have a physical relationship, we are always meeting. He can’t ask for my hand until I finish university.
I worry that our marriage won’t work because a relationship started in a sinful way will have no blessings. What should I do?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
Dear sister, have trust in Allah’s Mercy. When you repent, your sins are wiped clean. InshaAllah, if you choose to marry this man, it is not difficult for Allah to place tremendous barakah in your marriage. Don’t let shaytan trick you into despair.
I urge the two of you to come to a final decision about your relationship. Either approach your family and do your best to make it halal, or end your relationship.
Please perform the Prayer of Guidance and ask Allah to bring about what is best for you.
Give your family the chance to say yes or no. There are many Muslim college students who get married and make it work. Bring in a trusted community elder or local scholar who can help reason with your parents. Treat your parents with compassion and respect, and do your best to win them over.
Address their fears with wisdom and tact. Parents sometimes worry that marriage will prevent their daughters from completing their degrees, which may in turn make it harder for them to get a job. These fears are valid and stem from sincere concern for you. Help them see your perspective. Perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to soften their hearts, and to help you make good on your repentance.
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A Reader on Tawba (Repentance)
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani