I Am Attracted to a Young Man Who is in a Relationship. Should I Follow My Heart?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: A week ago I met a guy who is in a relationship with someone else. I feel like he is the one and I want to marry him. I care for him. Should I follow my heart? My heart says I’m going to marry him. We will avoid fornication.

Answer: Assalamualayakum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for seeking out an answer which is pleasing to Him.

Emotion

Allah Most High says: “And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse (zina). Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).” [Qur’an, 17:32]

You sound enamoured with this young man. I urge you to be careful and not act on how you feel. Feelings are not facts. Follow your heart if it calls you to what is pleasing to Allah. Don’t follow your heart if it calls you to sin. The only pure romantic relationship with a man is marriage!

You might feel like he is ‘the one’ for you, but Allah alone knows what is written for us. This is why Islam draws such strict boundaries around gender interaction; it can be so easy to fall for someone who is not your husband.

Take a breather and think about your situation. This young man is already in a relationship with someone else. Dear sister, save your heart for your husband. Have patience, and occupy yourself with good, or else you will occupy yourself with bad.

Destiny

Comfort yourself with the knowledge that whoever and whatever is written for you will reach you – your responsibility is to do what is right by Allah in all states. If he is meant to be your husband, then let him come to you in a way that is halal (through marriage).

Solutions

1) When registration reopens, I strongly encourage you to complete this course – Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life. You must understand the spirit and the law behind marriage before getting married.
2) Be honest with yourself and ask if you are truly ready to get married.
3) If you are, please speak to your family and let them know that you want to get married.
4) Even if you are not ready to get married, please keep your distance from this young man. The closer you get to him, the more you are likely to fall into sin.
5) Increase your acts of worship to keep you mindful of Allah. Fast at least twice a week. Keep good company. Keep away from media intake which calls you to haram, e.g love songs.

Please refer to the following link:
Why Does Islam not Allow Boyfriends and Girlfriends?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani