I Waited Four Years to Be Married to the Man I Love. What Do I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil

Question: I am in love with a man who proposed to me four years ago. He said he would marry me soon, but it has been four years. Now he said he cannot marry me due to job and family restrictions. What should I do?

Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I pray this finds you well. Dear sister, may Allah make a way out for you and bless you with a righteous and loving husband.

Marriage

Narrated `Abdullah: We were with the Prophet (upon him be blessings and peace) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah’s Messenger (upon him be blessings and peace) said, “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” [Sahih Bukhari]

It sounds like this young man has made it clear – he does not want to marry you. I am so sorry that he broke his promise and your heart. May Allah ease your sorrow. Grieve your loss, then focus on moving on.

Please perform the Prayer of Need and ask Allah to remove him from your heart, and to send you the best husband for you.

Marriage is a huge blessing and a protection for you. Being in a pre-marital relationship puts you at risk of committing sinful acts.

Hope

Dear sister, trust in the Mercy and Generosity of Allah. As unimaginable as it is for you to consider marrying someone else, have hope that you will heal and love again.

Please complete this Islamic Marriage: Guidance for Successful Marriage and Married Life to help you learn the spirit and law behind marriage in Islam. InshaAllah, this course will empower you with knowledge and help you move forward. You will know what to do differently, the next time you are considering someone for marriage.

When you are ready, please speak to your family and trusted close friends, and ask them to help you find a suitable husband. Be clear and respectful when you speak to your parents about what you are looking for in a husband. Start the conversation, if you haven’t already, about wanting to get married. They may have different expectations for you, as many parents do, so try your best to be on the same page. Your parents love you, and want what is best for you. It is best to keep them involved in your marriage process instead of going it alone and getting your heart broken.

Please refer to the following links:

Marriage in Islam: A Reader
What Are Some Prophetic Supplications That Can Help Me Deal With Trials in My Life?

Wassalam,
Raidah

Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Photo: Gianni Dominici