Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
My sister used to be practicing. She befriended a non-Muslim guy, and started slipping. Now, she no longer covers; she lives with this guy; and says she does not feel very Muslim. She still has a good relationship with me. But I don’t know what to do. I know I cannot accept her sinful relationship with this man. Is maintaining my relationship with her accepting her sin? What do I do when I run into them together? Or when I visit her?
Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,
Allah Most High says in the Qur’an:
003.159 It was by the mercy of Allah that You wast lenient with them (O Muhammad), for if You hadst been stern and fierce of heart they would have dispersed from round about thee. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult with them upon the conduct of affairs. And when You art resolved, then put your trust in Allah. Lo! Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
003.160 If Allah is your helper none can overcome you, and if He withdraw His help from you, who is there who can help you after Him? In Allah let believers put their trust.
You are thinking soundly on this issue:
a) it is your duty to remain good to your sister, and to offer her the lifeline back to her faith, values, and Lord;
b) it is important not to ‘accept’ this relationship of hers, even implicitly;
c) it is important, however, that (b) not be done in a way that vitiates (a). This is where wisdom is needed. A little social politeness may be needed in order for (a) to be possible… this follows the principle of bearing lesser harm to avoid greater harm.
It may help to try to create a warm, non-threatening Muslim social environment your sister could relate to… such as inviting her for lunch with a couple of your friends… keep away from religious topics… just make her comfortable about ‘being’ Muslim…
Look at the long run, and take the means to enable her to come back without feeling that anyone is ‘dragging’ her.
Make dua for her after every prayer, with a heart certain that Allah will answer you, in the way He wills as being best.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam,
Faraz Rabbani