Answered by Not Assigned
I am inquiring about the Islamic way to introduce topics of sex education to children. I am teaching my oldest son about the fiqh of purification and there are issues about sexual relations and ghusl. I am not sure how to begin. I don’t want to give him too much information to0 soon, but these issues need to be addressed. I certainly don’t want to use non-Muslim sources as a guide; taqwa and modesty have been deleted from the picture.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our Beloved Messenger, his family, companions, and those who follow them.
Wa alaikum salaam.
This is an excellent question and an important topic for all Muslim parents and educators.
I believe that the way to approach these delicate issues should be adapted to the child’s understanding, age, and environment.
If your child is growing up in the West and possibly attending public school, then he may already know more than you realize. I understand that you don’t want to give him certain information until he’s ready for it, but consider what he may be learning from his peers. Gently broach the subject and find out what his friends at school are talking about. Consider what television and movies he may be watching, if any. It would be much better for him to get this kind of information from you, his parent, rather than the aforementioned sources. Encourage him to ask you questions about any topic. Tell him that you are there to answer any questions, no matter how embarrassing.
Explain to him that when a young adult approaches a certain age, his or her body goes through certain changes in the journey to adulthood. These changes are natural and are part of Allah’s wisdom in preparing our bodies to have children.
If your son has reached puberty, then he definitely needs to know what necessitates ghusl and how to perform it. This is the age when many boys will have wet dreams and girls will menstruate. It is very important for the parents to gently explain to the young person what is happening to their bodies. If there’s no communication, the young person may feel too scared to talk about what’s going on, and may instead go to his peers for advice. I’m not sure which parent I’m talking to, but if you are the mother, then it may be more comfortable for both of you if your son’s father sits down and talks to him about the special concerns unique to male puberty.
For more resources on this topic, there is a book called “The Miracle of Life: An Islamic Sex Education Guide” by Fatima M. D’Oyen. Another author, Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood, has written books aimed at Muslim teenagers and their parents: “Muslim Teenagers: Coping and Living With Teenagers”. Sr. Maqsood’s books explore issues of relevance to Muslim teens living in the West, including sex education. All of the above should be available at www.astrolabe.com.
May Allah bless you and your family to approach this in the best way possible.
And Allah alone gives success. And Allah knows best.
Umm Salah (Zaynab Ansari)