Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabaraktuh.
Bismillahir rahmaanir rahim.
Respected Sister,
For your first question, kindly refer to this link : http://qa.muftisays.com?1960
About your second question, firstly alhamdulillah for having the worry and concern regarding your Muslim sister’s condition. May Allah reward you immensely insha Allah for your effort. I do hope that insha Allah the two of them realize what a grave and major sin they have gotten themselves into as they are both undertaking the ‘alim and ‘alimah courses.
However, the fact that your friend has consulted you in trying to get out of this situation is indeed a good sign alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, Allah will give both of them the taufiq to practice what is right and leave what is wrong. I am in no position to critisize anyone but I am only commenting based on what information I have gathered from you. May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings. Now, we should try to do a reverse effect by turning this relationship into a halal one insha Allah.
First and foremost, both of them will have to make sincere taubah, seek forgiveness from Almighty and make a firm intention not to commit this act ever again in future insha Allah. This is necessary so then one can be cleansed from the sins and filth that one has committed intentionally and insha Allah, Allah will reward them for their sincere repentance.
Allah SWT has mentioned in the Holy Quraan:
‘O you who believe! Repent to Allah with sincere repentance, a truthful [repentance], so that one does not return to [committing] that sin again, nor have the desire to return to it. It may be that your Lord will absolve you of your misdeeds and admit you into gardens, orchards, underneath which rivers flow, on the day when Allah will not let down, by admitting into the Fire, the Prophet and those who believe with him…’ (Surah At-Tahreem, verse 8)
Then, provide advice to your friend as usually when a person does something worng, they would want someone they trust to assist and give them encouragement on what to do. Therefore, be there for her and try your best to assist her according to your capability.
As a friend, please do not feel very sure and definite that they will not commit physical zina (al’iyaadhu billah). If Shaitaan has managed to make them to do this much, then there is indeed a very great possibility he will be able to achieve more from this haram relationship. Never be complacent but rather try to help and assist your friend from being involved further with this brother as we may never know what can happen next. We all know that one thing leads to another and we can see it happening in front of our own eyes.
Do advice your friend to firstly stop the usage of her hand phone since that was the root of the problem. By getting rid of the root of the problem, insha Allah other things will fall into place. If she says that she cannot live without a hand phone, advice her to use her parents’. This will automatically kill two birds with one stone since her parents will be able to monitor her actions and at the same time, she will be able to control her desires insha Allah.
Let her sit and discuss with her parents about the brother because it seems that the initiative was done by the brother’s side only which led to a little bit of dismay since the brother’s mother stated that she will only commit in 4 years time to do the arrangements. Insha Allah after your friend has discussed with her parents, they can try to make further arrangements if they see that she is very serious about this relationship.
They might claim that they want to spend their lives together but how true is this? After all, it is only a claim which is baseless since it all started with haram. Nothing good can be achieved by means of haram – not even our ‘ibaadah if it were nourished by haram means so what more of a mere infatuation? This is clearly a deception by Shaitaan and unfortunately, has become very rampant and widespread amongst the youth nowadays as the negative effects of the western culture which cannot seem to find contentment in a beautiful constitution such as marriage but prefer to change partners every so often. They don’t mind speaking to the opposite sex freely and have sex randomly but when they get married, they make a big issue if the spouse is having an affair with someone else. How ironic and disgusting can that sort of lifestyle be?
Look at the beauty of Islam and Shari’ah. Instead of encouraging the western lifestyle which leads to many social problems nowadays, it has given a better option to its ummah – the marriage bond. The reason why is because insha Allah when a person gets married, then he salvates himself from the many fitnah and haram acts he might be vulnerable to. Plus, in this time where fitnah and fasad (destruction) are on the rise, it is only wise that someone resolves to marriage as soon as possible to save one’s iman (faith) and chastity when he has the means to get married.
It comes in a hadith that Nabi SAW said:
‘Oh the gathering of the youth! Whomsoever from amongst you is capable of marriage, therefore he should get married because it is more modest for the eyes and more chaste for the private part. And whomsoever is not capable, therefore he should fast because it will be a shield for himself (against his carnal desires).’ (Muttafaqun ‘Alaih – agreed upon)
*Try to persuade your friend’s and the brother’s parents to allow them to get married as soon as possible to avoid fitnah. Make sure that even the procedures of getting married are done in accordance to Shari’ah (eg. his mother and your friend’s mother agree to a specific time to let them meet up, let your friend’s father or his mother be around your friend and him when they speak to each other, your friend and the brother should not be left all alone in a room etc.).
*After the meeting, both parties can have mesyuarah (consultation) done with each other’s family members. Following this, istikharah should be made prior to making the decision as to either proceed with nikah or not. Insha Allah, if they get married, they will come to realize the beauty and wisdom Islam had laid in matters of getting married the sunnah way.
Lastly, please do not forget that your friend and the brother should by all means terminate any form of communication prior to marriage (whether it be with themselves only or with other ghair mahrams) as this is something haram and should not be entertained. A Muslim should always guard one’s modesty and chastity as Nabi SAW has said:
‘When modesty leaves you, then do as you please.’
Do console your friend by reminding her that Allah SWT forgives all sins (besides shirk) as mentioned in the noble Quraan:
‘Say: Oh my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the mercy of Allah. For indeed Allah forgives all sins. For He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.’ (Surah Az-Zumar, verse 53).
And Allah knows best.
Wassalam.
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Binti Zahari
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